Meet the Rea-Por! (Or: Heroic & Villainous MOTU Deaths)
Because I think I'm terribly funny, I'd like to share my twisted sense of humour with you. Scared? Well don't go crying to the moderator, but tear yourself away from these frightening posts & go back to combing She-Ra's hair instead - & let the rest of us have a laugh - mkay..?
You feeling brave, dear reader? Then read on... And please - do add your own tales of heroic or villainous MOTU deaths. Do your best to make them realistic, poignant, & psychotically funny... (& don't worry if I already killed someone off - toys die a thousand deaths, don't they?)
I'll start us off.
Sitting comfortably? Well, better sit carefully instead...:
Buzz-Off, puffed up on pride as usual, is full of himself after the Queen of the Bee-Peeps chooses him as her illustrious mate. "Yay me!" howls Buzz, flying low over the heads of the other Masters, making them duck and flinch with annoyance.
But, tragically, this is the last time anyone sees the narcissistic Buzz-Off alive...
Unfortunately for Lord Buzz, the Queen doesn't allow any peasant or soldier Bee-Men to know the Secret of their reproduction. Indeed, the instruction manual is one of the closely guarded Mysteries of Castle Greyskull....
Only Prince Adam, piddling around in the windraider & half-drunk on Ram-Man's potent special brew, has the misfortunate to see the eye-popping mating ritual of the Queen of Bee-Men & her chosen consort, Buzz-Off, as they fly in mid-air, legs akimbo, grinding with wild & ecstatic abandon.
Adam pulls out his techno-goggles to get a close-up of the action. His jaw drops at the splendid sight of the majestic & stark naked Queen. He cannot believe such mid-air moves are possible...
"Wow" the naive Prince breathes "You couldn't tell from Buzz's furry underwear that he's so..." But then! at the climax of this perfectly natural spectacle....!
....the tool of Buzz-Off's lurve is torn away, completely stuck, ripping out a bunch of his gory entrails with it!!!
Buzz-Off, suddenly & violently torn asunder, drops pathetically from the sky.
S P L A T
Shuddering at the sight of Buzz-Off's shattered corpse, Prince Adam begins to wonder whether his long infatuation with Etherian honey, Sweet Bee, might lose him the royal jewels....
Male bees really do die that way.
Of Mice and Men and Cats and Giants
With an almight kick of his giant leg, Megator smashed into the ranks of his enemy. "Tiny men run! Megator stomp! Raarhhahahahar!"
It was the Ultimate Battleground! Never again would there be such an Ultimate fight in such an Ultimate place! It was - by definition - ULTIMATE!
But then, as Megator was about to press his giant advantage, he heard a really, really cute noise!
His lumbering, ugly head swivelled towards the sound - as we all know, giant dumb-asses love little furry things (even if they might squeeze them too hard). "Dur! Nice kitty! Megator pet kitty!"
"MEORAWR!" came the reply...
Across the battlefield, everyone turned to look at the source of the cat-shriek and at the troubled giant, now locked in a mortal struggle.
"Gods! Arrgh! RAAHR!" roared Metagor as the Central Tower bit into the arm stretched out to pet it.
Then, with an almighty suck of it's cat-mouth, the rest of the giant followed into the chomping jaws of the Tower.
C R U N C H
The Central Tower then licked its gory lips with satisfaction.
The rest, as they say, is history.