Page 1 of 16 12311 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 387

Thread: Relationship Advice: The Dos and Don'ts of Dating

  1. #1
    Grammer Flunky Shredder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2000
    Location
    wyckoff, nj
    Posts
    4,280

    Relationship Advice: The Dos and Don'ts of Dating

    or just being nice?

    Signs I think I'm seeing:
    She ALWAYs goes out of her way to say hi and bye to me. unlike the other ladies there, she never ignores me.
    She always looks me in the eye, also unlike the other ladies there who sometime never even acknowledge my presence.
    She covered her face with embarrassment giggling at my "Are you too young to listen to CBS FM" comment.
    And one or two other things.

    Am I just reading too much into things? The only place I see her is at the skin doctors office I go to in Paramus. I was toying around with asking her to a movie to judge interest. but knowing my luck, even if she was, she's either already seeing someone or married ;o)....which is why I never bother asking anyone at this age in the first place .

    and that leads to the other question. ladies, is it embarrassing if a guy asks you out at work in front of co workers? Or does that show he has a set of balls and makes them even more interesting? I've got till thursday when I go again to decide what I'm going to do.

    heh, all this fretting and she's probably just being overly nice. Story o' me life ;o).
    Geek Media -
    http://www.youtube.com/NTV1978

    Geek Media Abridged - Packing Protons
    http://www.youtube.com/WPLJTV

  2. #2
    Heroic Warrior goluphi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Posts
    1,411
    Probably just being nice. She might like you, but there's no way she's familiar enough with you to want to go out with you. If you don't see her more regularly than that, it will be super awkward if you try asking her out. Although, on the other hand, why not give it a shot?
    Hey, if you want to wallow in the negative, go nuts. Sure, things aren’t absolutely perfect, and people passionate about a property can get all keyed up about things. But I don’t collect toys to be miserable. So I’d rather think about the things that do excite me
    http://thefwoosh.com/2014/06/masters...beyond-vintage

  3. #3
    Heroic Master of Puzzles Thatman's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2001
    Location
    New Jersey, USA
    Posts
    8,489
    She may just be friendly.

    My wife gets that a lot - she tends to be very friendly to everyone she meets, and I cannot tell you how many times guys have then decided that means she's interested in them, which then leads to discomfort for everyone.

    Big tip, though, in general. If you're ever considering asking a girl out, make sure you check out their fingers. The presence of engagement/wedding rings will answer a question for you.
    "That's very interesting...but silly."

  4. #4
    Über Fan Adam_Prince of Eternia's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2001
    Location
    Chicago, IL
    Posts
    5,034
    Quote Originally Posted by Shredder View Post
    The only place I see her is at the skin doctors office I go to in Paramus.
    If this is the extent of your interaction, then there is not enough familiarity for there to be interest. She is an employee. You are customer. She is just being kind to you, the way she would be to any other customer.




    Quote Originally Posted by Shredder View Post
    ladies, is it embarrassing if a guy asks you out at work in front of co workers? Or does that show he has a set of balls and makes them even more interesting?
    It is inconsiderate. You are cornering her at her place of employment. If she is uncomfortable, she cannot leave. Moreover, you are denying her the opportunity to respond discretely by forcing a public declaration. Not to mention that you are putting her in a position where she has to consider how her response is going to affect her future interactions with you when you come in to her place of employment. It is a bad idea all the way around.

  5. #5
    Elder of Grayskull flutterina's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    Mission BC
    Posts
    613
    ^^ This.

    Women are very hard to read. Trust me. I am one. It's possible she's interested, but she could also just be very friendly. Keep in mind she is at work, therefore she's being paid to be nice. It's really hard to tell.

    If you do decide to ask her out, don't do it in front of everyone. That would be awkward. Maybe call the office and ask to speak to her directly. It gives her the chance to be honest.

    And don't go with dinner or a movie. Something like coffee or lunch is less threatening. An afternoon date offers an escape route if things don't go well. Women in general are more likely to accept that.

  6. #6
    Grammer Flunky Shredder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2000
    Location
    wyckoff, nj
    Posts
    4,280
    Quote Originally Posted by Adam_Prince of Eternia View Post
    Not to mention that you are putting her in a position where she has to consider how her response is going to affect her future interactions with you when you come in to her place of employment. It is a bad idea all the way around.
    thats the other thing i'm worried about. ugh. it's so much easier if you women would just bash us in the head with your club and d rag us off to your cave by our hair. at this rate i'll be single forever..
    Geek Media -
    http://www.youtube.com/NTV1978

    Geek Media Abridged - Packing Protons
    http://www.youtube.com/WPLJTV

  7. #7
    Master of DVDs BCI Guy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Las Vegas
    Posts
    5,530
    Quote Originally Posted by flutterina View Post
    If you do decide to ask her out, don't do it in front of everyone. That would be awkward. Maybe call the office and ask to speak to her directly. It gives her the chance to be honest.
    I've done this - and its worked. I've also done this before and been turned down. One thing to consider is if she says no, and this is a place you have to go to regularly, will YOU feel awkward? The two times I've done it have been a waitress and a sales person - places I didn't have to return to if I didn't want to.

    And don't go with dinner or a movie. Something like coffee or lunch is less threatening. An afternoon date offers an escape route if things don't go well. Women in general are more likely to accept that.
    YES. Coffee or something easy (ice cream, frozen yogurt, etc) is the way to go. A movie is the WORST first date there is. ~2 hours where you sit next to each other but can't talk...

  8. #8
    Grammer Flunky Shredder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2000
    Location
    wyckoff, nj
    Posts
    4,280
    And also, I want to add...

    This isn't someone I just met either, we've been interacting for the past two years or so. She's ALWAYs interested in dog photos I have to show her, she's seen wedding pictures, etc. so it's not like we have a passing conversation of hi and bye either.

    Someone else suggested that if I do do it, a public outing would be good too. I was thinking of inviting her to a summer concert, but that's at 6AM at the Jersey shor,e so it might be a taaaad involved for a first outing with someone you just started to get to know.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by BCI Guy View Post

    YES. Coffee or something easy (ice cream, frozen yogurt, etc) is the way to go. A movie is the WORST first date there is. ~2 hours where you sit next to each other but can't talk...

    maybe t hat's why my one and only movie date didn't go so well ;o). Probably a good idea to s cratch the movie thing then

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by flutterina View Post
    ^^ This.

    Women are very hard to read. Trust me. I am one. It's possible she's interested, but she could also just be very friendly. Keep in mind she is at work, therefore she's being paid to be nice. It's really hard to tell.

    If you do decide to ask her out, don't do it in front of everyone. That would be awkward. Maybe call the office and ask to speak to her directly. It gives her the chance to be honest.

    And don't go with dinner or a movie. Something like coffee or lunch is less threatening. An afternoon date offers an escape route if things don't go well. Women in general are more likely to accept that.
    re: Nice. That's NOT the case with these other two mouth breathers that work there. I hardly EVER see them smile, at me or ay anyone else. But I get the biggest smiles from this girl. that hardly ever happens for me. most are gernerally just normal faced, for lack of a better description. considering how the other women there react to me and how this lady does..it's almost night and day. but again, she might just be super nice in an office full of grumps.

    well, the original plan was a dinner or a movie. but now I'm scared off of that, so that's scrapped. What would be considered a less threatening alternative that wouldn't seem cheap? I take it a Mcdonalds lunch is out of the question? Or even a pizza joint? Trying to think what's in the plaza that might be good..but haven't been there in a while.
    Geek Media -
    http://www.youtube.com/NTV1978

    Geek Media Abridged - Packing Protons
    http://www.youtube.com/WPLJTV

  9. #9
    Heroic Master of Puzzles Thatman's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2001
    Location
    New Jersey, USA
    Posts
    8,489
    I'd stay away from the GSP, if I were you. I think the food court places are going to look cheap and will be crowded & noisy so it could be harder to have a conversation. The other restaurants in there are pricier, but might be overkill, especially if you're trying to be casual.

    Why not a diner? Pick one of the nicer ones; there are certainly plenty in the area. Or do you know of any specialty coffee places - any kind of local mom & pop version of a Starbucks?
    "That's very interesting...but silly."

  10. #10
    Grammer Flunky Shredder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2000
    Location
    wyckoff, nj
    Posts
    4,280
    Quote Originally Posted by Thatman View Post
    I'd stay away from the GSP, if I were you. I think the food court places are going to look cheap and will be crowded & noisy so it could be harder to have a conversation. The other restaurants in there are pricier, but might be overkill, especially if you're trying to be casual.

    Why not a diner? Pick one of the nicer ones; there are certainly plenty in the area. Or do you know of any specialty coffee places - any kind of local mom & pop version of a Starbucks?
    The only diner i've been to in the area that could even consider being called one is the Fireplace, but I'm not sure how to get to that one. That's why I was thinking more the Plaza, cause it's easy enough to get to and not too fancy.

    Not sure where any starbucks are either. 17 and 4 make me nervous driving on them, so I try to avoid them at all cost. and nothing says looser like being dropped off at a first meeting ;o).
    Geek Media -
    http://www.youtube.com/NTV1978

    Geek Media Abridged - Packing Protons
    http://www.youtube.com/WPLJTV

  11. #11
    Heroic Warrior
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Location
    United Kingdom
    Posts
    101
    Why not start with a simple gift of a bunch of flowers - to thank her for her smile and kindly manner which brighten up your day?

    If that plays well, hand her a note as you are leaving one day - in which you ask her out to lunch on her day off. If she doesn't wish to, it allows her a graceful way out without any face-to-face awkwardness. She either replies to the note (include an e-mail address) positively - or else negatively - or not at all. Either way, you'll know her feelings - without embarrassing either of you.

  12. #12
    Master of DVDs BCI Guy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Las Vegas
    Posts
    5,530
    Quote Originally Posted by Shredder View Post

    Someone else suggested that if I do do it, a public outing would be good too. I was thinking of inviting her to a summer concert, but that's at 6AM at the Jersey shor,e so it might be a taaaad involved for a first outing with someone you just started to get to know.
    Concert = movie. No real chance to get to know the person while the event is going on, but you are forcing a timeframe on the date.

    Keep it simple. Daytime, open-ended timeframe, casual. Not intimidating. A coffee shop/cafe is ideal. Desserts are good too - coffee and a pastry or ice cream.

  13. #13
    Grammer Flunky Shredder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2000
    Location
    wyckoff, nj
    Posts
    4,280
    Quote Originally Posted by Forester View Post
    Why not start with a simple gift of a bunch of flowers - to thank her for her smile and kindly manner which brighten up your day?
    already did that. disguised as a gift for the office of women...but handed to her. But then again, what women don't love chocolate M and Ms?
    Geek Media -
    http://www.youtube.com/NTV1978

    Geek Media Abridged - Packing Protons
    http://www.youtube.com/WPLJTV

  14. #14
    Heroic Warrior Anti Hero's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    Long Island
    Posts
    167
    Shredder, if you're interested in knowing more about her I would ask her out. Live for today my friend!

    A coffee or tea house seems like a great start. Short and sweet! But, I don't know if that's your(dare I say it) cup of tea.

    I met my wife online 10 years ago, but, we met in person for the first time at a local museum. We wound up spending the entire day together.

    All the best!

  15. #15
    Clown Prince of Darkness Benedict Judas Hel's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    The Ninth Level of Hell plotting my slow and painful revenge on the brightly sunlit world...
    Posts
    9,388
    Quote Originally Posted by Shredder View Post
    How can you tell if a girl is interested or just being nice?
    You ask her: "Are you interested in me or are you just being friendly?"

    Boom. You're done.
    "Wheresoever on earth he dwells, man is prey to two weaknesses: the need to pray and the need to love."-Marquis de Sade

    "It is not by reasoning or by our understanding that we have received our religion; it is by external authority and command."-Michel De Montaigne

    Heretical Vintage Purist and Non-Fan Extraordinaire!

  16. #16
    Heroic Warrior
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Location
    United Kingdom
    Posts
    101
    Quote Originally Posted by Benedict Judas Hel View Post
    You ask her: "Are you interested in me or are you just being friendly?"

    Boom. You're done.
    Aha! So deceptively simple.... (or was that the point?)

  17. #17
    Grammer Flunky Shredder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2000
    Location
    wyckoff, nj
    Posts
    4,280
    Quote Originally Posted by Forester View Post
    Aha! So deceptively simple.... (or was that the point?)
    I thought of it as more rudely direct

    OK, I'm going to go a bit of a different tactic. Office Lady is ALWAYS interested in seeing pictures of the dog my sister has. I could say something like "If you're on facebook, you could see these all in real time..."
    Maybe if that gets a positive response and a way to look her up it's a good sign.
    Geek Media -
    http://www.youtube.com/NTV1978

    Geek Media Abridged - Packing Protons
    http://www.youtube.com/WPLJTV

  18. #18
    Clown Prince of Darkness Benedict Judas Hel's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    The Ninth Level of Hell plotting my slow and painful revenge on the brightly sunlit world...
    Posts
    9,388
    Quote Originally Posted by Forester View Post
    Aha! So deceptively simple.... (or was that the point?)
    Sometimes the best ways are the most direct.

    Quote Originally Posted by Shredder View Post
    I thought of it as more rudely direct
    True, it could come off as rude but that's where charm, charisma, and personality come in. Fortunately, I have all 3 so I can be that direct. But you can ask as well as I see it as a win-win situation for you.

    If she says yes, then you are in there like swimwear. Name your first 14 kids after me.

    If she says no, then just say "Ah, okay. I was just making sure."

    No fuss, no muss.

    Quote Originally Posted by Shredder View Post
    OK, I'm going to go a bit of a different tactic. Office Lady is ALWAYS interested in seeing pictures of the dog my sister has. I could say something like "If you're on facebook, you could see these all in real time..."
    Maybe if that gets a positive response and a way to look her up it's a good sign.
    Or you can do that and find out she really likes dogs.
    "Wheresoever on earth he dwells, man is prey to two weaknesses: the need to pray and the need to love."-Marquis de Sade

    "It is not by reasoning or by our understanding that we have received our religion; it is by external authority and command."-Michel De Montaigne

    Heretical Vintage Purist and Non-Fan Extraordinaire!

  19. #19
    Heroic Master of 200X MegaGearMax's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Camden, NJ
    Posts
    19,769
    BCI Guy is right. Just ask her to something small scale. Like ask her to go to lunch or for some coffee. Like a quick 30 minute micro date.

    For the record, I think she's being nice. Men have a habit of misreading friendship for romantic interest.
    Last edited by MegaGearMax; April 30, 2014 at 06:27pm.

    The Blonde Teela (Battleground and Alcala Teela) Thread
    MegaGearMax's 200X/MYP Screen Grabs

    Sagitar • 200X Prince Adam • 200X Sorceress • Evilseed (MYP)

  20. #20
    Grammer Flunky Shredder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2000
    Location
    wyckoff, nj
    Posts
    4,280
    Quote Originally Posted by MegaGearMax View Post
    For the record, I think she's being nice. Men have a habit of misreading friendship for romantic interest.
    it's called sad hope ;o).
    Geek Media -
    http://www.youtube.com/NTV1978

    Geek Media Abridged - Packing Protons
    http://www.youtube.com/WPLJTV

  21. #21
    Heroic Warrior Delthaindia's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Kitten Town
    Posts
    1,558
    flip anckwardeness and go for it.
    I suffered a lot for love but the things that made me mad the most was the 'what if...' hypothesis. if you play your cards there will be maybe some embarassment that very day but there will be no regrets.
    WISHLIST: Green and Purple Mask of Power demons, Blastar, Panther/Cat Men, Peekablue, Prince Dakon, Rotar, Twistoid, Kayo, Vizar, Lizorr, Sagitar, Quakke, Mara (prototype), Garth, Blackbeard, Gleedal, Gargons, Garn (mini-comic), Hawke, Fang-or, Great Black Wizard, Red Stripe, Granita, Brainwave, Contractor

  22. #22
    Always Hawthorn Viceroy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    2,889
    Quote Originally Posted by BCI Guy View Post
    Concert = movie. No real chance to get to know the person while the event is going on, but you are forcing a timeframe on the date.

    Keep it simple. Daytime, open-ended timeframe, casual. Not intimidating. A coffee shop/cafe is ideal. Desserts are good too - coffee and a pastry or ice cream.
    I agree.

    Next time your in casual conversation with her, find out when her lunch break is and suggest going out for a quick bite to eat. You want to be very easy going about this because you don't want it to blow up in your face.

  23. #23
    Heroic Warrior Krueger's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    England, UK
    Posts
    2,884
    Probably just being nice. There are, however, a couple of tests you could employ to find out if she’s really interested, though. I’m not sure if I should list them here, however. Nothing crude, but little signs that she may be interested in other ways.

  24. #24
    Heroic Warrior Ridureyu's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Posts
    2,002
    Ask her. Be a grown-up about it, though. Make it clear that you are putting the option out there, and if she says no you aren't going to go all creepystalker or pine away or ragescream or anything like that. Just ask if she thinks there is some attraction going on.

  25. #25
    Master of New Adventures!
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Midwest
    Posts
    5,543
    Lots of good advice here. But it's really simple: it's in the eyes. It's always in the eyes. Look into them as she looks at you. Either it's there or it isn't.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •