Anyone else lost a parent?

[GeologyMule]

With all due respect, she "stole" your father? Did he not have a say?

I can see where he is coming from. I feel my 3 oldest (half) siblings have a lot of resentment toward me because my dad left their mother for my mother. They have pretty much lost contact with my dad even though he is now 85, needs a pacemaker, and has prostate cancer.

Speaking of that, no I haven't lost a parent, but my dad was 55 years old when I was born. I've always known that I would lose him while I was at an early age. His health has seriously declined these last few years. Even though I've accepted it years ago, it's still going to be rough when it happens.

I just got off the phone with my mother, who has health has diminished over the last 8 years, that she was informed by a doctor today that she needs a pacemaker.

Due to the age of my parents, I only got to meet one grandparent. We were very close and she lived beside me while I was growing up. She passed away my senior year of high school (eleven years ago) and my mother still isn't over it.

[Heidi]

My father died two years ago in May.

Heidi

[seth-man]

With all due respect, she "stole" your father? Did he not have a say?

meh, its a long story but my father remarried this woman who had her own agenda in creating the perfect artificial family. She wore the pants in the family and I lived with my real mother and went through years of custody battles between my real mom and dad. I have a stepsister through the marriage who was raised with nothing but praise from her real mom (my stepmom) and my brother was always told he wasn't good enough.

the story gets real whino. But now that I am a Dad on my own I see how bad my Dad was for not doing more to stick up for us boys.

[MOTU_Maniac]

Tomorrow (May 24th) marks the 6 year anniversary of my mom passing away due to COPD. Thought I would revive this thread now only so I could ask for your thoughts and prayers, but also for anyone else that wants/ needs to vent.

[Heeeere's Olesker!]

It's been eight years since my mother moved on to another plain of existence; twelve years for my father.

I'm a fairly tough guy, born and raised on the mean streets of Chicago's south side, eight fingers broken over my childhood years in fights. I served as a USAF helicopter search & rescue medic during the Vietnam War and went on to a long career in the motion picture and television industry, which makes having been a search & rescue medic something of a picnic by comparison. So no one that knows me is likely to call me a momma's boy.

Yet there was rarely a week, no matter where in the world I lived, that I didn't pick up the phone two or three times and talk with my parents...sometimes that many times in a day. When my father was in his 80s we'd kiss each other when we met in the airport. I loved them both very much and still do. Even today, all these years later, when something good happens in my life I find myself reaching for the phone to call them. When I confess this to Kim she says, "It's okay. They already know."

I'd like to believe that. I'm not going to get into theological aspects, because I know that's a violation here on the board. But I will say that my faith has brought me solace because I feel they are in a good place. It's possible that my faith is wrong, but even if it is, at least it brought me comfort while I was here and there's nothing I can see that's wrong with that. (I hope it's okay with our gracious mods that I've said that.)

I'm not a Robin Williams fan, but I thought the film WHAT DREAMS MAY COME was a wonderful one. It brought my mother a lot of peace after my father moved on. Not sure if the way it's depicted in the film is really the way it is...but I sure hope so.

What I've found -- at least in my experience -- is that the pain of the loss never really goes away. But over time it does lessen and the good memories begin to soothe the loss. It's funny, but during the first three or four years after my parents moved on I would never dream about them. But now, so many years later, every once in while I'll have them in a dream. It's always a good one, always with us having fun and laughing. I don't know exactly what to make of this, but I'd like to believe there's someone or something out there that kind of regulates things when they need to be regulated, yet brings them back to you when you're ready. For me, getting to see my mother and father again -- even if only in a pleasant dream -- is a source of joy and contentment.

[Dice]

My father died a little over 2 years ago. We were not close. But I had a lot of pain and anger knowing that the last few years of his life were easily the worst years of his life. I could have done some simple things that would have made him feel better but I didn't because I didn't care. His and my friends death have taught me that we never know when the last time we're gonna see someone is. So these days I make sure people know how I feel about them. That way I'm not regretting not having said things after they're gone. (all good things)

[MOTU_Maniac]

Even today, all these years later, when something good happens in my life I find myself reaching for the phone to call them.

I know exactly how you feel. Any time something really bad or really good happens, I reach for the phone before I realize I can't call

His and my friends death have taught me that we never know when the last time we're gonna see someone is. So these days I make sure people know how I feel about them. That way I'm not regretting not having said things after they're gone. (all good things)

That is very good advice to live by Dice!

[Fendi]

I don't experience this yet but I am feel sorry for your loses. =(

as a young child, it is devastated to lose your grandparents as they do foster me like a month or 2 in every year. Especially on my Grand Uncle who take care of me when I was a kid. I still rocking my poem for how much he loved me before he die. Most of my loses are generally grand uncles and his siblings.

But to fix that up and put on a bright side, we have 130 family members on both side of my parents. It have a bad experience over loses but 90% of it are generally uplifting with talking to my closes cousins, elder nephew and his children (which rank me as a Grand uncle). So I usually see the glimpse of death from far away but the sunshine are always here to stay. =)

[flutterina]

I must confess I got misty eyed while reading this, as I can sympathize. I've lost more people I love that I care to remember. The two that affected me the most were my Grandmother and my Dad. They were the only two people in the family that would stand up for me when the rest of the family backed me into a corner. I've always been different (the black sheep so to speak) and my family gives me a really hard time about it. They still do only now I'm on my own fighting my battles, and that's left my relationship with my Mother quite strained.

My Grandma was diagnosed with terminal cancer in 2004 and moved into a hospice. On Dec 23rd 2005 my Grandfather passed away from a heart attack. It didn't really affect me (or anyone else) because he was pretty antisocial. When I got the news I knew my Grandmother wouldn't have anything left to fight for, and she'd give up. A few days later I hopped on a bus to go see her because I knew it would be the last time I'd ever get to see her. She lived on the other side of the province so visiting her wasn't easy, but my Uncle and I were the only ones that made it. At 3am on Jan 6th 2006 she passed away. I was at the hospice with her holding her hand just where I belonged.

My father passed away in July 2010. He was diagnosed with ALS which is a disease I wouldn't wish upon anyone. Before he got sick he ran 2 businesses and played on 4 baseball teams. Losing his mobility was enough for him to lose his will to live. He didn't fight. I watched him suffer for a long time, and as much as I miss him I'm glad he's not in pain anymore. He was too sick to come to my wedding and he'll never meet his grandchildren. I was also there with him when he passed away. Holding his hand with my Mother and sister.

[Heeeere's Olesker!]

I don't experience this yet but I am feel sorry for your loses. =(

as a young child, it is devastated to lose your grandparents as they do foster me like a month or 2 in every year. Especially on my Grand Uncle who take care of me when I was a kid. I still rocking my poem for how much he loved me before he die. Most of my loses are generally grand uncles and his siblings.

But to fix that up and put on a bright side, we have 130 family members on both side of my parents. It have a bad experience over loses but 90% of it are generally uplifting with talking to my closes cousins, elder nephew and his children (which rank me as a Grand uncle). So I usually see the glimpse of death from far away but the sunshine are always here to stay. =)

It's kind for you to say you feel sorry for our losses. And, of course, they are losses. But -- cliched though it may sound -- celebrating the life that one's parents lived helps to ameliorate the grief. I think it's very important -- if it applies and is appropriate -- to celebrate the achievements and positive effects that one's parents exeprienced and had, and in many cases continue to have, on others.

[MOTU_Maniac]

I must confess I got misty eyed while reading this, as I can sympathize. I've lost more people I love that I care to remember. The two that affected me the most were my Grandmother and my Dad. They were the only two people in the family that would stand up for me when the rest of the family backed me into a corner. I've always been different (the black sheep so to speak) and my family gives me a really hard time about it. They still do only now I'm on my own fighting my battles, and that's left my relationship with my Mother quite strained.

I am right there with you except my mom was the one that stood up for me and I now have a strained relationship with my dad. Actually, it is non-existant. I am just glad I was the one there holding her hand 6 years ago today as she took her last breath. I loved her dearly.

Long story short, a woman asked my dad out on a date AT MY MOM'S FUNERAL and he said yes. They were "in love" and planning their wedding only 3 weeks after my mom died. That was VERY disrespectful to my mom....and to me. I can forgive him (though he doesn't see anything wrong with what he did), but wanting a relationship with him is another story.

[MOTU_Maniac]

Today marks the 7-year anniversary since my mom died. Even though it is a very sad and solemn day, I am trying to remember all of the good times.

[Is-rael]

Lost my Mom in 1992 she was 42 to breast cancer. She found a lump went in for a mammogram and was told she had dense breast tissue. She went back and was told it was a lump and they wanted to remove it. When they did they pretty much cut through one to get to that one. Long story short she went from 80% chance of living to 80% chance of dying. She toughed it out and went through the mastectomy chemo treatments, but ended up just stopping because of the lack of quality life and no real positive prognosis. She was pretty much gone at the end with real shallow breaths and lots of morphine, but a few days before she passed she woke up clear and told me and my sister that she loved us. Still kills me now to think of it! My birthday that year fell on Mother's day which was really hard. It's sucks my kids will never know her and what a great lady she was. I just turned 42 this year so I've lived as long with as I have without her and it really feels like a different life because I don't have really anything in my life now that I did then and feel alone inside even though I have a great wife & kids. Not to come off like a downer, there is just really no good way of getting over a death of a parent especially when your younger, it really hurts your emotional heart deeply!

Thanks for the thread it's nice to share.

[Ridureyu]

eMy mom passed away last year on my parents' 40th anniversary. it was a sudden scuba diving accident. I'm so THANKFUL that the economy had hurt me a few years earlier and forced me to move in with my parents (also in time to take care of my aging grandmother, who had passed away the previous year), and even though I was getting ready to move out again, it meant that I could be there for Dad and be as strong for him as possible. They were married forty years. I also had to fend off some family who wanted to be helpful, but were really just mean. There was also the one relative who became convinced that Dad had murdered Mom on their anniversary, so there was an investigation (it was faulty equipment - apparently that particular scuba supply place had seen a LOT of accidents in the last few years, so we're okay), which only grieved Dad MORE.

And then a couple of months later, my Dad had surgery and nearly died - it was MINOR surgery, so minor that he didn't want nursing care, but I had to take care of him for a while, and it almost went very badly for him. When this happened, some family started accusing me of possibly murdering him, or maybe that he had died and I was just too delusional to realize it. They even called the police, who came by... saw that Dad was okay, and shrugged and left. But whern he was himself again, this really, really hurt him a lot, and he felt extra betrayed. We decided not to become bitter or try to fight anybody, but instead to just be really, really good relatives(they must have been grieving, too), and we've actually repaired a lot of family relationships. So he and I put our lives back together, he's now retired and I've moved, and we're doing pretty well - though I am going to see him on the anniversary of Mom's death. A lot of old friends and I are planning to make that day as happy for him as possible. Mother's Day and her birthday fell within the same week, but we survived them!

[MOTU_Maniac]

Lost my Mom in 1992 she was 42 to breast cancer. She found a lump went in for a mammogram and was told she had dense breast tissue. She went back and was told it was a lump and they wanted to remove it. When they did they pretty much cut through one to get to that one. Long story short she went from 80% chance of living to 80% chance of dying. She toughed it out and went through the mastectomy chemo treatments, but ended up just stopping because of the lack of quality life and no real positive prognosis. She was pretty much gone at the end with real shallow breaths and lots of morphine, but a few days before she passed she woke up clear and told me and my sister that she loved us. Still kills me now to think of it! My birthday that year fell on Mother's day which was really hard. It's sucks my kids will never know her and what a great lady she was. I just turned 42 this year so I've lived as long with as I have without her and it really feels like a different life because I don't have really anything in my life now that I did then and feel alone inside even though I have a great wife & kids. Not to come off like a downer, there is just really no good way of getting over a death of a parent especially when your younger, it really hurts your emotional heart deeply!

Thanks for the thread it's nice to share.

eMy mom passed away last year on my parents' 40th anniversary. it was a sudden scuba diving accident. I'm so THANKFUL that the economy had hurt me a few years earlier and forced me to move in with my parents (also in time to take care of my aging grandmother, who had passed away the previous year), and even though I was getting ready to move out again, it meant that I could be there for Dad and be as strong for him as possible. They were married forty years. I also had to fend off some family who wanted to be helpful, but were really just mean. There was also the one relative who became convinced that Dad had murdered Mom on their anniversary, so there was an investigation (it was faulty equipment - apparently that particular scuba supply place had seen a LOT of accidents in the last few years, so we're okay), which only grieved Dad MORE.

And then a couple of months later, my Dad had surgery and nearly died - it was MINOR surgery, so minor that he didn't want nursing care, but I had to take care of him for a while, and it almost went very badly for him. When this happened, some family started accusing me of possibly murdering him, or maybe that he had died and I was just too delusional to realize it. They even called the police, who came by... saw that Dad was okay, and shrugged and left. But whern he was himself again, this really, really hurt him a lot, and he felt extra betrayed. We decided not to become bitter or try to fight anybody, but instead to just be really, really good relatives(they must have been grieving, too), and we've actually repaired a lot of family relationships. So he and I put our lives back together, he's now retired and I've moved, and we're doing pretty well - though I am going to see him on the anniversary of Mom's death. A lot of old friends and I are planning to make that day as happy for him as possible. Mother's Day and her birthday fell within the same week, but we survived them!

Thank you both for sharing your story. I think it helps to share and keep their memory alive, so I appreciate it very much.

Today has been a hard day for me. I can't believe it has been 7 years. In some ways it seems like just a few months ago and in some ways it feels like 20 years ago. And still at other times I forget and accidentally pick up the phone to call her and then feel stupid when reality comes crashing back down.

[80's Enthusiast]

I lost both of my parents in '09. My Mom in Jan and my Dad in May. It's been rough but as the OG poster said earlier today, you just have to remember the good times.

[MOTU_Maniac]

I lost both of my parents in '09. My Mom in Jan and my Dad in May. It's been rough but as the OG poster said earlier today, you just have to remember the good times.

I am very sorry to hear that. Losing 1 parent is rough...I couldn't imagine losing both within a 4-month span

[MykEdwards]

I haven't lost either of them yet, and I am relieved. My dad is turning 70 on June 7th. No one in his family lived past 70 - and this was a family of 9 kids. It's only him and his two younger sisters left.
Sigh...
I'm scared every day of that undetected heart problem, that lump no one found, that anomaly that remained undetected.
I know it's horrible of me to fear this EVERY DAY, but my cousin (same age as me) didn't think much of it, and two years ago, her dad, my uncle, dropped dead in the kitchen.
I feel for ya, every single one of you. I can't imagine how it is, and how it feels. I turn 33 just five days after my dad turns 70. I'd like to eat cake with him. I want him to be at my brother's wedding this August. I want him to be at mine next September.
Am I unfounded in worrying about this? Or do I have a reason to be thankful he's around every day he's around?

[Ridureyu]

Be thankful every day that he's around. You should be, even without fears of illness - remember, anything can happen. Car accident, sudden heart attack, scuba diving accident, you never know. But that's not the REASON to be thankful every day that he's here - be thankful because he IS there! Love and enjoy your dad just as mucha s you should love and enjoy life! Make the most of every day, and you will have no regrets!

[Kent Parker]

I lost my dad when I was 16 months old to leukemia. I miss him, wish I would have got to know him, but I feel like he listens to me almost every day. there's some comfort in that for me i'd suppose

[Adam_Prince of Eternia]

My dad died February 14th of this year.

[Shredder82]

I have recently lost my father.
24/05/13. Yes; only a few days ago.
He went very peacefully with all main family members at his bedside.
I'm ok, as he has been sick for awhile.

[MOTU_Maniac]

I have recently lost my father.
24/05/13. Yes; only a few days ago.
He went very peacefully with all main family members at his bedside.
I'm ok, as he has been sick for awhile.

I am very sorry to hear that . You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.