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Thread: Why Is It So Hard To Meet Women?

  1. #1
    Heroic Warrior mbaker's Avatar
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    Why Is It So Hard To Meet Women?

    It seems as if I never make much progress when it comes to women. If I meet someone, I might get their e-mail address, but very rarely do I get their actual phone number. Don't get me wrong, sending an e-mail is fine, but it's just not as rewarding as physically talking to an actual person on the phone. I'll feel glad that I got a reply back, but with some people, I never get a reply at all, and I start to wonder if e-mails are worth it anymore. With some of the people I know who have jobs, I would ask if I could see them on some occasion, but if it can't be done, what am I suppose to do, move on, and find someone else? I might be able to say hi to them, or ask if they have a few minutes, but I would love to spend at least an hour to tell them alot of what's on my mind, but worry if i'll ever get the chance to do so. Am I suppose to just accept this? sometimes, I simply can't accept that as an option. Can women sense right away that I'm not what they're looking for without giving me a fair chance? Are they so brainwashed by the gossip industry that every man must look like a celebrity to find true happiness? I know men might think this way, too, but it's that kind of complication that makes me just want to throw in the towel, and just give up on life in general, and just live in a cave for the rest of my life if that's how the game is played. Am I suppose to accept my lot in life, and give up? Spend the rest of my life unable to accomplish anything due to the impossible obstacles put in front of me? I've always been cynical towards women for not staying in touch with me, but with each passing day, I lose faith in the female species all together. What do you think?
    Last edited by mbaker; December 18, 2010 at 06:32pm.

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    Heroic Scientist sircory-1's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mbaker View Post
    It seems as if I never make much progress when it comes to women. If I meet someone, I might get their e-mail address, but very rarely do I get their actual phone number. Don't get me wrong, sending an e-mail is fine, but it's just not as rewarding as physically talking to an actual person on the phone. I'll feel glad that I got a reply back, but with some people, I never get a reply at all, and i start to wonder if e-mails are worth it anymore. With some of the people I know who have jobs, I would ask if I could see them on some occasion, but if it can't be done, what am I suppose to do, move on, and find someone else? I might be able to say hi to them, or ask if they have a few minutes, but I would love to spend at least an hour to tell them alot of what's on my mind, but worry if i'll ever get the chance to do so. Am I suppose to just accept this? sometimes, I simply can't accept that as an option. Can women sense right away that I'm not what they're looking for without giving me a fair chance? Are they so brainwashed by the gossip industry that every man must look like a celebrity to find true happiness? I know men might think this way, too, but it's that kind of complication that makes me just want to throw in the towel, and just give up on life in general, and just live in a cave for the rest of my life if that's how the game is played. Am I suppose to accept my lot in life, and give up? Spend the rest of my life unable to accomplish anything due to the impossible obstacles put in front of me? I've always been cynical towards women for not staying in touch with me, but with each passing day, I lose faith in the female species all together. What do you think?
    Well, I would say lighten up a little bit! I know for a fact that many women aren't just looking for guys that "look like celebrities." I think most women just want to make sure the guy they are talking to isn't some psycho or serial killer, you know?

    I would say, just keep getting yourself out there in situations where you get to hang out with girls. The more opportunities that girls get to know you, the better the chance they'll want to see you more.

  3. #3
    Heroic Warrior AKA-DOM's Avatar
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    Firstly meeting women isn't easy. It's a process of elimination.

    From what I read, it looks like you are after a relationship. In my opinion the best way to meet girls for this is through friends/family.

    If you are trying to meet girls out and about you need a wingman. I do for my mates as I'm married I don't care. Not being an ahole but if there is a girl my friend likes and she has a friend then that's where I come in. Women out and about usually come in groups, so once one guy is in, then the others can follow.

    I met my wife through work and we work really well. I used to meet girls in bars but most came to nothing. Also depends what age range you are going for and more importantly what you look for in a girl?

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    Evil Warrior Soulfly's Avatar
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    It's all a numbers game man. Keep trying and eventually you'll get somewhere. No reason to give up or hang your head down.

  5. #5
    Heroic Warrior mbaker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Soulfly View Post
    It's all a numbers game man. Keep trying and eventually you'll get somewhere. No reason to give up or hang your head down.
    Unless I get a restraining order even if i'm just speaking about something as innocent as asking for the time.
    Quote Originally Posted by sircory-1 View Post
    I think most women just want to make sure the guy they are talking to isn't some psycho or serial killer, you know?
    Unless they look like Robert Pattinson, and Taylor Lautner.
    Quote Originally Posted by AKA-DOM View Post
    From what I read, it looks like you are after a relationship. In my opinion the best way to meet girls for this is through friends/family.
    Well, it seemed that way at first, but once I've learned that not all women have the same interests as me, and very few are single anymore. None of my friends know any girls, and neither do my family members.
    Quote Originally Posted by AKA-DOM View Post
    I met my wife through work and we work really well. I used to meet girls in bars but most came to nothing.
    Well, I'm interested in becoming an artist, so I have no desire to work at a regular job, and even if i did something like that to get by, I prefer working at a place that doesn't have a TV set to a channel I don't like, or in store propaganda. I don't want to be annoyed when I'm working, otherwise, I quit.
    Last edited by mbaker; July 12, 2010 at 09:40am.

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    Adora's Father dorrmann's Avatar
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    While I agree with everyone else up there, I have to add one more suggestion, and that is for you to not try so hard. It's funny how those things work. When you're not looking for something is when you find it. Not only that, but the (I can't think of a better word...) desperation or the rushed feeling of you trying too hard can really turn girls off.

    As for meeting people, if you attend church, talk to girls there. Even if they're married, they can maybe suggest people to you.

    But I'm going to reiterate here, because it's really important: Don't try too hard. Just let it come to you.
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    I would suggest that you find something in your life that really interests you, something you feel a definite passion for -- whether it's writing, acting, video games, music, 18th Century French literature, church or whatever. Then go to a group that embraces that thing which you like -- join a writer's group, try out for a local play or become a stage hand, hang out at the video arcade, go to jazz clubs, audit a college course in 18th Century literature or attend church.

    In each of those groups you will find members of the opposite sex attending. Because both you and those members of the opposite sex will now have a common bond, you will have something to talk about -- the joys of writing, your excitement about being a part of a local production of Hamlet, why you love Final Fantasy XIV (or don't), your top five favorite jazz artists, your favorite 18th Century French author, details of the Bible that you find fascinating.

    Having a shared interest is half the battle. You'll already be in conversation -- and pleasant conversation -- because you both share an interest in the same subject. From there it's simply a matter of charm and wit. And I'll give you the best advice I can give you -- treating a woman like a lady and the developing the ability to make them smile and laugh are critical in moving to a more serious relationship.

    Good luck.

  8. #8
    Live Free or Die Lord Eternos's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mbaker View Post
    Well, I'm interested in becoming an artist, so I have no desire to work at a regular job, and even if i did something like that to get by, I prefer working at a place that doesn't have a TV set to a channel I don't like, or in store propaganda. I don't want to be annoyed when I'm working, otherwise, I quit.
    I think I found par tof the problem. You haev too many rules when it comes to work. If this is so for work, what about the rest of your life? You need to be more open minded yourself and be able to bend here and there.No man is going to get any woman without compromise

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    Grammer Flunky Shredder's Avatar
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    Meeting people in bars is a no go...who wants to meet a drunk? Concerts are also out, music is to loud to chat....

    Starting of as friends, something about me tells them 'keep in friend category'...
    There's gotta be a secret thing you have to do to get out of that category and into the 'I might wanna nail ya' one ;o)
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    I am that I am Heidi's Avatar
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    I can relate to your post in some extent. I too have had times in my life when nothing seemed to go right dating wise. I went on a lot of dates but they lead nowhere. All my actual relationships have started in one of the following two ways:

    - in moments when I haven't been looking for a relationship
    - the times I've gone on hunting trips in the local clubs. I love to dance and for some strange reason it's easy for me to meet new people on the dance-floor.

    But all the good relationships I've had have begun in moments when I wasn't actively looking for a relationship. So I'd say give up looking for women and just start socializing with people you want to socialize with. If it is meant to happen, sooner or later that someone special comes along.
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    That Marvelous SOB sonofblaine's Avatar
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    I met my wife about a week after I just gave up and decided to quit worrying about it and driving myself crazy.
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    Chronically Groovy Mighty Puundragon's Avatar
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    They can smell desperation so don't come on too strong. I think back at a lot of missed opportunities and how I came on WAY too strong. Play it cool like it aint no thing that they are around. You don't have to be a jerk but don't be too friendly.

    You need a gimmick. When I met my wife I was at a Frat Party. I was never in a Frat but I was there with some girls I knew and wasn't hooking up with. One key thing was I was a mystery man at the party since I was just a random dude. The gimmick I was using was the Magnum PI. I had a Hawiian shirt on with my Tigers cap. I was trying to play roller hockey that summer so I was in good shape. I had a good buzz on before I got there and had two big Labatt Blue Oil Cans in each hand. Played it funny and cool, I was able to be myself. 3 days later we had our first date. That was almost 12 years ago, have been together ever since and now we have 2 kids.

    So play it cool, find a gimmick to hook her in, and wait a few dates to tell her about the toy collection.
    Last edited by Mighty Puundragon; July 12, 2010 at 12:55pm.

  13. #13
    Mistress of the Whip! Divia's Avatar
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    Hmm, I'm a chick so I'll answer....


    I like guys to be themselves, but they have to look good too. Ok, NO GQ models or anything but jesus christ look human.

    Similar interests, always a plus. Not everything will be a perfect match, and thats OK.

    Be nice. Hold open a door.

    Its the little things! You have to hone in on the little details.

    Friendships help build relationships.



    My biggest problem is every guy I like wants kids. Who the hell thought this would be so damn difficult? Lame.
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    Clown Prince of Darkness Benedict Judas Hel's Avatar
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    You need 3 things be successful with the opposite sex: 1) Looks 2) Money 3) Personality.

    1) Looks - Let's face it. We live in a superficial society. Great importance is placed on one's outside appearance. As such, physical attractiveness makes a person much more receptive to social advances. So, if you got the looks, your foot is already in the door.

    2) Money - This is in regards to financial stability and not necessarily wealth. You must show that you are a good provider and capable of supporting yourself and your potential mate. You probably won't get very far taking her out to eat to Mickey D's riding on your Huffy's handlebars for her birthday where her gift is a spatula from the 99 cent store. I learned that the hard way...

    3) Personality - This is your charm, your wit, your intelligence and your sense of humor. The first 2 factors (Looks and Money) provide you with the opening but this factor is what hooks them in and keeps them hanging around. Play it loose. Be apathetic. What every will be, will be. As Princess Leia said to Grand Moff Tarkin, "The more you tighten your grip, the more star stystems will slip through your fingers." Use your negative emotions as part of your attitude. Women love bad boy a-holes...

    So, that's what I got for you. These are the 3 factors you need to be victorious in that order of importance. I'm not saying you can't meet women if you don't have all 3. Having 2 out of 3 is pretty good. But if you only have 1 factor, then you better make damn sure you have lots of it whatever it is to compensate for the lack of the others. And if you have none of these factors...then I recommend lots and lots of alcohol.
    Last edited by Benedict Judas Hel; July 12, 2010 at 01:01pm.
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    Heroic Master of 200X MegaGearMax's Avatar
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    Here's a better question...Why Is It So Hard To Meet Women who are into MOTU?

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  16. #16
    Mistress of the Whip! Divia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Benedict Judas Hel View Post
    2) Money - This is in regards to financial stability and not necessarily wealth. You must show that you are a good provider and capable of supporting yourself and your potential mate. You probably won't get very far taking her out to eat to Mickey D's riding on your Huffy's handlebars for her birthday where her gift is a spatula from the 99 cent store. I learned that the hard way...

    3) Personality - Use your negative emotions as part of your attitude. Women love bad boy a-holes...
    Yeah, money is important. No one wants to date some guy who lives with his mom while he is working part time at McDonalds and the other time he is trying to become a superstar extreme fighter....at the age of 35.

    True story. I had some guy whip out the coupons on a date. I'm like seriously? seriously? He told me I could only eat the food that was related to the coupon items. Not a way to impress the ladies.

    I dont like bad guys. However, they are smooth...sometimes and they do know how to work the angles unlike others.
    Last edited by GeologyMule; July 12, 2010 at 01:23pm. Reason: edited vulgarity :P
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  17. #17
    Heroic Warrior mbaker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dorrmann View Post
    While I agree with everyone else up there, I have to add one more suggestion, and that is for you to not try so hard. It's funny how those things work. When you're not looking for something is when you find it. Not only that, but the (I can't think of a better word...) desperation or the rushed feeling of you trying too hard can really turn girls off. As for meeting people, if you attend church, talk to girls there. Even if they're married, they can maybe suggest people to you. But I'm going to reiterate here, because it's really important: Don't try too hard. Just let it come to you.
    I never realize that I try so hard, but now that I think about it, I guess that comes from trying to get ahead before I turn 60. Gotta get ahead while I'm still young, you know.
    Quote Originally Posted by Heeeere's Olesker! View Post
    I would suggest that you find something in your life that really interests you, something you feel a definite passion for -- whether it's writing, acting, video games, music, 18th Century French literature, church or whatever. Then go to a group that embraces that thing which you like -- join a writer's group, try out for a local play or become a stage hand, hang out at the video arcade, go to jazz clubs, audit a college course in 18th Century literature or attend church.
    I'm not so sure about church. While it sound like the safest place of all, I'm kinda iffy on it for the moment. In case you haven't noticed, arcades have gone the way of the dodo.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Eternos View Post
    I think I found par tof the problem. You haev too many rules when it comes to work. If this is so for work, what about the rest of your life? You need to be more open minded yourself and be able to bend here and there.No man is going to get any woman without compromise
    I've had enough pain, and suffering for one lifetime, than you very much.
    Quote Originally Posted by Shredder View Post
    Meeting people in bars is a no go...who wants to meet a drunk? Concerts are also out, music is to loud to chat....
    'That's exactly how I felt about bars. Concerts are an option to try after you've known the person you like, and what their interests in music are.
    Quote Originally Posted by Divia View Post
    Be nice. Hold open a door. Its the little things! You have to hone in on the little details. Friendships help build relationships.My biggest problem is every guy I like wants kids. Who the hell thought this would be so damn difficult? Lame.
    I would try to hold the door for a girl if I had the chance. Though I need a few dates to get some experience. As i said before, girls might like things I might not, so taking things slow might be a good idea. So I'm at least cautious. I'm not ready for kids, so I'm extra cautious about that.
    Quote Originally Posted by MegaGearMax View Post
    Here's a better question...Why Is It So Hard To Meet Women who are into MOTU?
    Boy, do I hear you. It's even harder to find someone who's into comics, games, or cartoons.

  18. #18
    Grammer Flunky Shredder's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Divia View Post
    Yeah, money is important. No one wants to date some guy who lives with his mom while he is working part time at McDonalds and the other time he is trying to become a superstar extreme fighter....at the age of 35..


    Ahh, but not everyone has a job that pays enough to save up for a house. At least the McD's guy is working . shows initiative. And unfortunately staying at home also gives people a chance to save money. Maybe i need someone from japan. Family living is common over there. and since it's one of the most expensive countries to live in, most familes there must be rich
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  19. #19
    Mistress of the Whip! Divia's Avatar
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    But if the guy is also working towards becoming a part time fighter then its an issue. Point is he isnt grounded. Chicks dont like men who aren't grounded. Well, i dont like em much. Have your dreams, but also be real too.
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  20. #20
    Eternian Pimp PIMPS ADAM's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MegaGearMax View Post
    Here's a better question...Why Is It So Hard To Meet Women who are into MOTU?
    Speaking of which,how many female orgers are there?
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  21. #21
    Heroic Master of 200X MegaGearMax's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PIMPS ADAM View Post
    Speaking of which,how many female orgers are there?
    You mean "How many SINGLE female .org members are there?"
    Last edited by MegaGearMax; July 12, 2010 at 03:26pm.

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  22. #22
    Live Free or Die Lord Eternos's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mbaker View Post
    I've had enough pain, and suffering for one lifetime, than you very much.
    Dude, you want help or not? Sticking to the "This is me take it or leave it" routine hasn't worked for you so far.

    I like MOTU, an occasional comic, and cartoon as well. My gf doesn't. So we don't talk about those things. Simple as that. She doesn't have to love everything you love.

  23. #23
    Master of New Adventures!
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    From Mbaker: "I'm not so sure about church. While it sound like the safest place of all, I'm kinda iffy on it for the moment. In case you haven't noticed, arcades have gone the way of the dodo."



    You're right, Mbaker. I don't get out enough.

  24. #24
    No more OT Dice's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Benedict Judas Hel View Post
    You need 3 things be successful with the opposite sex: 1) Looks 2) Money 3) Personality.

    1) Looks - Let's face it. We live in a superficial society. Great importance is placed on one's outside appearance.

    2) Money - This is in regards to financial stability and not necessarily wealth.

    3) Personality - This is your charm, your wit, your intelligence and your sense of humor.

    So, that's what I got for you. These are the 3 factors you need to be victorious in that order of importance. I'm not saying you can't meet women if you don't have all 3. Having 2 out of 3 is pretty good. But if you only have 1 factor, then you better make damn sure you have lots of it whatever it is to compensate for the lack of the others. And if you have none of these factors...then I recommend lots and lots of alcohol.
    These are spot on. You can have any one of the three and find someone that will be interested in you. The problem is that with the first two, it’ll only be superficial. Get a girl to fall for your personality and you’ll have a good one.

    Dark lone brooders do well, it’s true. But so do out going funny guys. Even straight shooters that are just plain nice can do fine. The key is self confidence. You either have it or you don’t. Without it, you’re always just gonna be the weirdo/goofball/nice guy that’s ok but that a girl doesn’t ever seriously consider dating. Luckily self confidence is yours to control.

    Someone else commented on you not wanting to work at a place that keeps the T.V. set to a channel you don’t like. Are you currently employed? Because most people have to put up with things at their jobs that suck much worse than a T.V. channel. When you say something like that it comes off weird-defenitely a no-no when around a woman.

    The only other thing I would say is don’t bow down to every woman you ever find attractive. Most of them are used to that type of treatment and some will even walk all over you. Treat them like you would a bag boy at the supermarket. You don’t have to be an a**, just seem disinterested in them for a while. Trust me, this works every time, 68% of the time, with almost half the girls you’ll try it on.

  25. #25
    IQ test results: negative sdilks's Avatar
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    Wow. I'm gettign a littel depressed reading this thread!

    First, I gotta say LIGHTEN UP! You remind me of Sheldon from Big Bang Theory. I don't mean that in a bad way, just that if it's not perfect he hates it. That's how it sounds from your posts. You have to make compromises in every aspect of life. Dating included. Trust me, my wife compromises for me all the time!

    I met my wife in a bar. I actually asked her for a pen to write down another girl's number. That was 11 years ago. I'm not saying that because I'm a ladies man, it's just that I wasn't trying when I met her. Haven't you ever tried to do something, got frustrated, rushed it, and it fell apart? Dating is the same. Stop trying so hard, or better yet, stop putting so much pressure on yourself or the idea of dating.

    Have you tried online dating? I know it used to be taboo, but it really works. I'll be the best man at my best friends wedding next year, and he met his fiance online. It works. Plus it helps you find someone with common interests that may have a lot of trepidation when it comes to going out to meet people.

    Another thing I want to mention is what others have posted about the "3 things" you need to catch a date. I don't think they are entirely correct. I've met several people in my day that only had 1 of those things, and worked it like a pro. If you only have money, don't flaunt it. You'll attract the wrong kind of person. If you have looks, you should be used to talking to women by now. Women are just as ballsy or flirtatious or hormoned up as men, so if they see Good lookin' walking by, they go for it, just like a lot of guys. And if you only have personality, then you need to let it out more often. But not too much. Remember that trying to hard stuff we talked about?...

    If you have none of these, you're not hosed. You just have brush up on what you do have. Looks: Don't dress like a slob. Just cuz you think its cool, or comfy, doesn't mean she will. You also don't have to go buy the latest fasion. Pull your pants up, shave, put on deoderant, comb/cut your hair. Cologne helps, but don't bathe in it. As for Money: Don't go to the fanciest place, but also don't break out the coupons. If you are broke, then you might have more pressing needs than a girlfriend. Finally Personality: Confidence, confidence, confidence. I can't say it enough. People are attracted to confidence. Not cockiness (well, some are). The more confident you are in yourself, the easier EVERYTHING in life is. Especially the fairer sex. I've seen broke ugly bums' dressed in dirt pick up women, so I know it can be done.

    Ok, the test on this dissertation will be next Monday! Sorry it's so long....
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