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Thread: My Sad Realization:

  1. #1
    Heroic Warrior Mystical Musician's Avatar
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    My Sad Realization:

    It's sad when I have to discuss this with my fellow members, but I've come to realize that I have no friends.

    My closest best friend from grade school and high school moved away to another state with his parents in 2006. Although I tried my hardest to keep our friendship going; ( I would travel to his hometown for vacations, always try to check in with, but nothing was ever reciprocated.

    Second on the list was a close friendship from high school who ended moving away to Colorado. He always dreamed of becoming big in the Hollywood industry. Eventually he moved to California and bought a houseboat, and I took all of my savings to buy him a nautical decorative ship compass for which he never thanked me for, but I just put it away as him being so busy. I continued to offer him support and friendship, but he would later become a midsize up and coming you tube success, and now won't even give me the time of the day.

    Third person was a co-worker I grew close to over our years together. One day he asked me to hack his exes computer to get information to destroy her accounts. I told him that I couldn't be involved in something like that, and there went another friendship.

    Finally was the story of another worker who I thought of as a brother. One day he lost his brand new iPhone, so I used my free upgrade and got him a new one and just kept my old one. I wasn't expecting a thanks or anything else, but fast forward a few years later and the guy wouldn't give me water let a lone the time of the day.

    There are a few other stories, but after a bout of crying, I've come to realize that I don't have a single friend. Maybe it's me and I'm just a crappy friend, but I would do anything for my friends and only ask for friendship and kindness in return. I guess I'm just a loser with literally no friends. And that's a tough pill to swallow. Sorry for the long rant everyone. I'd appreciate it if (those that to) could send some prayers or positive thoughts my way.

    Thanks to all who read.
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  2. #2
    Master of New Adventures!
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    Positive thoughts are definitely coming your way, and my entire family will offer a strong and heartfelt prayer on your behalf at our morning meal.

    I understand how you feel. While I have many business associates, I have few true friends. I much prefer quality over quantity. There are four people outside of my family that if they called at midnight and said they needed me to be there the next day, I would be on a six A.M. plane and I know they feel the same.

    But it's taken many decades to get to that.

    Part of the problem, imo, is the digital/social media age we are living in. And the 24/7 news cycle and binge watching doesn't help either. People are glued to their TVs or iPhones.

    This is one of the reasons I love he-man.org. I get that it's cyber friendships, but I feel a deep affection for many here and sometimes especially with those whose opinions I may not agree with. I haven't seen you around the board much, so maybe you ought to try to ring in more. He-man.org's Tar Swamp is a great place to have spirited exchanges of ideas, so long as you're tough enough to handle the fast track there. But the bottom line is that it's an awful lot of fun there, and frequently enlightening

    I think the interchange of ideas different from our own, and civil and respectful debate, is what can sometimes form the basis of friendships. And I'd be willing to bet there are Floridians orgers close to you that would enjoy getting together to talk He-man or other topics. You're not the only one who wants friends.

    If I have any advice to give, it's to stop trying for a while, except for maybe getting together with some Florida orgers. A funny thing happens when you let go for a while. The dynamic changes and you somehow become receptive and attractive because you're not trying so hard. When it happens it will happen. There was a time when I had pretty much given up on having a long term relationship. Then, one night, I was waiting for my table to be called in a restaurant in Nassau and in walked a 5'4" crimson-haired, blue-eyed Irish angel from Kansas City. I looked at her, she looked at me and twenty-two years later we have three amazing children and I have a best friend who has loved and laughed with me through all sorts of ups, downs and all arounds.

    Many here know I'm a spiritual person and I don't want to push the envelop on this. But I do believe there is a plan. If you're a good person -- and it certainly sounds like you are -- friends will come to you. Try letting go and not trying so hard for a while -- but be receptive -- and see what happens.

    Good luck to you and give us updates from time to time. There are many here who care about fellow orgers. That's a lot of what this board is about.


    Quote Originally Posted by Mystical Musician View Post
    It's sad when I have to discuss this with my fellow members, but I've come to realize that I have no friends.

    My closest best friend from grade school and high school moved away to another state with his parents in 2006. Although I tried my hardest to keep our friendship going; ( I would travel to his hometown for vacations, always try to check in with, but nothing was ever reciprocated.

    Second on the list was a close friendship from high school who ended moving away to Colorado. He always dreamed of becoming big in the Hollywood industry. Eventually he moved to California and bought a houseboat, and I took all of my savings to buy him a nautical decorative ship compass for which he never thanked me for, but I just put it away as him being so busy. I continued to offer him support and friendship, but he would later become a midsize up and coming you tube success, and now won't even give me the time of the day.

    Third person was a co-worker I grew close to over our years together. One day he asked me to hack his exes computer to get information to destroy her accounts. I told him that I couldn't be involved in something like that, and there went another friendship.

    Finally was the story of another worker who I thought of as a brother. One day he lost his brand new iPhone, so I used my free upgrade and got him a new one and just kept my old one. I wasn't expecting a thanks or anything else, but fast forward a few years later and the guy wouldn't give me water let a lone the time of the day.

    There are a few other stories, but after a bout of crying, I've come to realize that I don't have a single friend. Maybe it's me and I'm just a crappy friend, but I would do anything for my friends and only ask for friendship and kindness in return. I guess I'm just a loser with literally no friends. And that's a tough pill to swallow. Sorry for the long rant everyone. I'd appreciate it if (those that to) could send some prayers or positive thoughts my way.

    Thanks to all who read.
    Last edited by Heeeere's Olesker!; October 24, 2016 at 04:07am.

  3. #3
    Heroic Warrior
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    Totally understand where you're coming from. Sadly there's fewer people like you or I in this world--and more of the taking kind. I'm the only one who calls people on their birthdays or sends greeting cards or checks in with people from time to time to see how they're doing. The only time I ever hear from people is when they want something. As I've gotten older I've realized that there really aren't a lot of quality people with decent morals and basic human kindness. People who I thought were friends turn out to be more like acquaintances. As a result I've just become more isolated and happier by himself with my pets than around most people. And I no longer wallow in self pity but realize it's not me who is missing out but the people who don't give a chance to know me or treat me better because I'm a damn good guy whose kind considerate and thoughtful and would only enrich their lives

    So don't feel bad. You sound like you're the same way. Give it time. When it's right you'll meet good people worthy of you. I always say if people are meant to be in my life and are the kind of quality folks I deserve they'll eventually cross my path. And don't let others define your worth. You're not a loser. The people who don't do right by you are the losers. Your post clearly demonstrates that you are a very thoughtful empathic person attuned to others and yourself. You have to understand that it's their loss by not treating you better with the same level of thoughtfulness as you do to them. That's their deficit as a human being. A poor reflection on them. Not !!! A poor reflection on you. And I'll also say from my own personal experiences and struggles you have to realize that you can be just as fulfilled being your own person doing your own thing. Keep your chin up. It will get better
    Last edited by degra; October 24, 2016 at 05:37am.
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  4. #4
    Heroic Warrior watercooled's Avatar
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    Hi,

    it always makes me sad, when I hear or in this case read, that the real good people are getting tosed aroud like that.

    I think the problem is that the normal people are getting used to "using there elbows" and the egomaniac behavior.
    Look at work, the nice and good guys always finish last or never.

    But if you want to talk or write to someone. You can contact me via pm.

    Head up high.

  5. #5
    Widget alcala66's Avatar
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    Hey man,

    I've not been here for long, but one suggestion I have is to perhaps venture wider than your normal circle and join some volunteer groups. In my experience you find people who place a premium on being selfless and supportive, and it's amazing just how many people you can come to know (and respect) by doing so. It's not an easy first step, and it might be awkward at the beginning, but you might like to consider checking out local groups (and not particularly faith-based groups, although that might be an option if that's more to your liking).

    But best wishes to you anyway. Hang in there.

  6. #6
    Council Elder Tallstar's Avatar
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    ***hugs***
    "My favorite Harry Potter movie is Troll."

  7. #7
    Widget
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    I know we don't know each other or anything but I really hate to see anyone go through something like this. I don't have an answer or a fix or really even any good advice but I do have a suggestion. Take some time and just focus on you. Don't worry about other people for now, just worry about you and focus on that. See, I was having these really dark moments and I realized it was because I was trying to please everyone, everyone except myself. When I started working for me, I swear things turned a 180. We all have problems and friends can honestly be worse than enemies sometimes. Just take time and enjoy you and be yourself, no matter what.

  8. #8
    Total 80s Fanatic Leviathan's Avatar
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    Sending out my best wishes and prayers during this stressful time.
    "I can usually be found hanging out somewhere between 1980-1989."

  9. #9
    Heroic Warrior Wakko's Avatar
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    I went through this phase in my 20s when I felt like if my "social calendar" wasn't full, I was a loser at life. So I spent way too much time and energy making sure I always had plans. It used to stress me out when I had an unscheduled Friday or Saturday night. I would phone or e-mail "friends" until I'd made plans.

    Not only was this very draining, but I realized that most of the time, I wasn't actually enjoying myself when I was being social. It was too much effort, and the people I was with were the kind who always needed to be entertained or impressed. I actually looked forward to Monday so I didn't feel the pressure of being social.

    Sometime in my late 20s, I said, screw it. I'm going to enjoy being by myself. I went where I wanted when I wanted. Grabbed take-out and ate at home alone with pile of DVDs. Wrote music. Hunted for 200x He-Man figures. Exercised. Read books. And I loved it. I felt like I "detoxed" my personality in the process.

    And, funny enough, when I stopped trying to make friends, some true friends finally came into my life, including my future wife. I think I had dropped the stink of desperation in that time I spent alone, and became a person that other people actually wanted to spend time with. Today, I can count my "true" friends on my fingers, and I'm more than satisfied with that.

  10. #10
    No more OT Dice's Avatar
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    I am an extrovert. I know many, many people. I have tons of people that I would call "friend" and who would refer to me as the same.

    But I have very few, what I would call "pals". True friends that I talk to regularly and participate in activities with. And even then, over the years, I've learned you can smother friendships to death without a little space now and then.

    One tip I can give you: you have to pick yourself up. If you are a positive person, people will gravitate to you. If you stay down or depressed, people will stay away. You can't depend on people to pick up your spirits all the time.

    Take a deep breath and count the positives you have in your life from there, try to find activities you can do to take your mind off being lonely. For me it's hobbies and relaxing jazz/classical music. Reading a good book. And if at all possible, get outside! Nature can be relaxing and invigorate you.

    Hope you get to feeling better and things even out for you.

  11. #11
    Clown Prince of Darkness Benedict Judas Hel's Avatar
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    I don't know what to tell you. I'm a loner and an introvert so I love the solitude. I love just watching movies, reading books/magazines and surfing Ebay/Youtube listening to my favorite music. I have virtually no social media footprint and speak to an extremely limited number of people. And I'm fine with it. I'm content with the solitary lifestyle.

    But it seems that you want friendship/companionship so I really don't have any advice to find any being that I tend to avoid them myself. All I know is that people seem to enjoy a sense of humor (being able to amuse people upon occasion myself) so you might want to go that route. People like being around someone that can make them laugh and feel good.
    "Wheresoever on earth he dwells, man is prey to two weaknesses: the need to pray and the need to love."-Marquis de Sade

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  12. #12
    Master of New Adventures!
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    And yet...yet...

    Although, for all his good natured bluster, he is too modest to admit it, BJH probably has more friends, people that admire him and love his sense of wit, intelligence, engagement and compassionate nature than almost any other orger. I believe this bears testament to my point that when one doesn't try so hard and is just true to themselves, it ends up attracting people.
    Quote Originally Posted by Benedict Judas Hel View Post
    I don't know what to tell you. I'm a loner and an introvert so I love the solitude. I love just watching movies, reading books/magazines and surfing Ebay/Youtube listening to my favorite music. I have virtually no social media footprint and speak to an extremely limited number of people. And I'm fine with it. I'm content with the solitary lifestyle.

    But it seems that you want friendship/companionship so I really don't have any advice to find any being that I tend to avoid them myself. All I know is that people seem to enjoy a sense of humor (being able to amuse people upon occasion myself) so you might want to go that route. People like being around someone that can make them laugh and feel good.
    Last edited by Heeeere's Olesker!; October 24, 2016 at 05:18pm.

  13. #13
    Widget MagpieMad's Avatar
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    Positive thoughts going your way Also as alcala66 has already stated volunteer groups or special interest clubs are a great way to meet new people and broaden your social horizons.

  14. #14
    Color'licious! JVS3's Avatar
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    To mirror off what others have said, you have friends here!


    And if you want more human contact, with face-to-face, it's time to head out and meet people. it's as simple as going to places and events that have something to do with your interests. And, through circumstance, and natural conversation, friendships start to bloom. You just have to let it happen organically.

    And, in all seriousness, I hope you might come out to Power-Con. You don't even need to buy a ticket to come into the show. Just hang out at the hotel lobby and at the bar afterwards. you are going to meet SO many people that you will have an immediate kinship with.
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  15. #15
    Heroic Warrior nicholighkun's Avatar
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    People are difficult, but you shouldn't let their actions define you, or even them. There are so many things that people are wrestling with from day to day that they do not disclose with others. Things that might be causing them to act in a loathsome manner. And even if they are just jerks, let them be jerks. Don't judge them, don't hold it against them, pray for them; they probably really need it. Look at Job. His friends accused him of having secret sin that he didn't have. God rebuked them, but He also didn't restore Job's loss until after Job prayed for his friends. It's one of the most difficult things to do in the midst of personal hurt and attack, but there is little that is more important or rewarding in this life.

    My mom has a specific type of dementia. She's in a nursing home today, but several years ago, while she was living with my aunt, she called me, to break up with me. Yeah, I typed that right. I was so stunned, and in denial that she was actually saying what it seemed like she was saying that I just assumed that I was hearing her wrong, and her words were just poorly chosen to make it sound like she thought we had a romantic relationship. Turns out, after questioning her, that is exactly what she thought. I cannot possibly explain how traumatic that was, or how stunned (literally) I felt.

    Just a month or two later, my grandmother, who had agreed to pay me for cutting her grass, had not paid me for like 4 weeks, so I finally wrote her a very unoffending note, using Scripture to remind her that "a hireling is worth his hire". I let her pick the price btw, I wasn't bilking her. Also, I had been cutting it for over a year with sporadic pay, when I was fine doing it for free, and I told her so, but she became increasingly hostile toward me over that time, for what reason I still don't know, so I basically told her I want to be paid, but I still let her set the price. I just couldn't take the abuse for no gain whatsoever, especially since I was very, very broke at the time, and gas to her house wasn't cheap. Well, she had apparently forgotten the agreement, and my note triggered her. She wrote her own note, in which she accused me of stealing some baseball cards from their basement many years ago, which I didn't do (turns out it was my cousin). She told me off in the note because I changed the setting on a lamp one year at a family function. Ironically I remember the incident, and I did so to make a more comfortable, laid back ambiance, thinking of everyone's experience, not my own. She also railed on me for not tithing, even though I have been for a long time before this letter.

    But, instead of just handing me the letter, she immediately started telling me all of these things herself, which was very pointed and venomous. She was angry and bitter, for things that weren't true, and one that was a simple misunderstanding. The strange thing about the whole incident was that I felt so calm, and without guile toward her. The Holy Spirit was there like I've never felt before in my life, or since. I let her rail on me, and calmly tried to explain things, which she refused to believe. Remember this was right after my mom had called me to break up with me.

    After all of this, I stood up and smacked the hell out of her. Naw just kidding. Forgive me, I just had to add some levity.

    After she told me off I stood up, and mildly weeping I asked her to hug me and told her I knew that if we parted ways like this (knowing my family) we might never reconcile. She sat there and said "No. I won't do it because it would be a lie." So I left.

    A few years later, she came to a point where she had to move into an assisted living facility. My brother and I and his wife went to visit one day, and she apologized to all of us for how she had acted, and she was clearly broken about it. After we left they were both like "what was she talking about? She's not done anything to us worth that kind of an apology." But I knew it was for me. I think she was having memory troubles, and falsely remembered doing that to both my brother and I.

    My point is that even in the worst of circumstances, it's best to forgive, and pray for the people that wrong you. Sometimes it's hard, sometimes it's a little easier, but it's always best.

  16. #16
    Widget Fandabidozi's Avatar
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    It sounds like you usually have one really good friend at a time as opposed to a whole group of friends. I'm exactly the same. I get on great with people one on one but fall apart in a group or juggling several friendships. Nothing wrong with that except if someone moves away or you grow apart your gonna feel on your own for a bit.
    So don't convince yourself your not friendship worthy. You are - everyone is. People move in and out of your life as you will with them it's only natural.

  17. #17
    SAY10 is coming... dedset13's Avatar
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    Sending good vibes your way!! Keep your head up and remember, you've got friends here!!
    "Oh Lord, Bless this M&M... and the mighty cockroach I slain in battle to get it." - Al Bundy

  18. #18
    Heroic Warrior radrcks's Avatar
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    You do have friends here, and I can honestly say I wish you the best and for things to get better, and they will. This time last year I felt extremely hopeless and alone, and that's not the case anymore. It does change.
    Check out me and my friend's blog: Geek Culture

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