Is it wrong to hold SOME gender bias?!

[Heidi]

After reading this thread the first thing that comes to mind is that I truly value you as a parent, He-Dad. I hope I can have same humility and courage to question my own decisions in my parenting. As someone earlier wrote, it doesn't seem that your child was really set on getting that particular shampoo, so I don't think there's any harm done. But, I do think that kids are pretty clever and can sense a lot from the smallest things. If a child senses that his parent does not approve something in him, then I could imagine some children hiding that part from their parent and maybe even grow to be ashamed of that part in themselves. Most kids (if not all) want to be loved and cherised by their parents and knowing that there's something in you that your parent is uncomfortable with could be damaging. Because of that I try to be very aware of the motives why I'm restricting something from my child, and to have good arguments with what to explain my decision with. I am not directing this at you, just thinking out loud about why I act the way I act as a parent.

I have a 4yr. old who has such a wide variety of things he enjoys - Postman Pat, Bob the Builder, My Little Ponies, Princesses, Moomins etc. We have never made a clear distinction between boys and girls stuff in anything so far and he knows that there are boys who like to be princesess and girls who like to be construction workers and that's all fine. He has a few dress-like shirts he uses from time to time and a princess dress he likes to use sometimes at home.

We've had some mild trouble with daycare though - one day our son had a subtle-ish dress-like shirt on and the daycare-workers got a slight fit over that. Their concern was that other kids would pick on him for that. I told them that I value their concern and if our child gets picked on I ask them to let us know. But, I expect it to be part of their professional know-how to know how to create safe harrasment-free enviroments for everyone. If my son was ever harrassed at day-care, I would tell him that for now we have to keep certain things at home only and that we have to tone down what can be worn at daycare. I'd press that this isn't about him. Then I'd make an official complaint about the day care and push for a change.

So far we haven't had any trouble, and our child comes along very well with everyone in the daycare. Once he gets to school we have to re-assess the situation. I'm a bit cynical about the realities in today's school for creating an harrasment-free enviroment and it takes a really strong person to be openly just the way you are when being harrassed. But, I'll always try to do my best to let him know that if he gets harrassed it isn't about him - it's about the grown-ups not knowing how or being able to make a safe enviroment for everyone.

This got a bit off-topic, just wanted to bring out a bit more where I stand personally on this subject.

[Thatman]

Stinkor bubble bath would be great! Mattel? Are you listening? lol.

I would buy this. I can't say that it would ever get used, but I would buy it.

[MOTU_Maniac]

Hahahaha. That would be hilarious....especially if they were all Stinkor scented! LOL.

Stinkor bubble bath would be great! Mattel? Are you listening? lol.

I would buy this. I can't say that it would ever get used, but I would buy it.

I would run a bath for my wife and use Stinkor Bubble Bath in it as a prank. lol.

[Slothboy]

I'm getting into this conversation a bit late but I would have let the kid get whichever one he wanted. I've got two kids (a girl and a boy) and they both end up playing with/ wanting things that are not intended for their gender. My son loves trucks and dinosaurs, legos, etc.. he also likes to walk around the house with a purse and high heel shoes. The other day at the store he was allowed to pick a toy and the one he picked was a dora the explorer mermaid bathtub doll. Did I care that he wanted what was clearly a doll meant for girls. Not at all. It's how he rolls. In time, as he gets older he will either go more "boy" and go for mainly action figures and trucks, he will go more "girl" and play with dolls, or he will stay like he is now and play with both. My daughter also plays with toys meant for both genders. However she is older and has said on several occasions how boys at school will tell her she's not allowed to like/watch things because they are for boys. I just tell her to tell them she can like whatever she wants and to otherwise ignore them. I try to look at it this way, my main concern is that they grow up to be relatively polite, contributing members of society. If my son grows up liking to cross-dress and play with dolls, so be it as long as he can hold a job and pays his bills every month.

[Impulse]

I don't like plaid pattern so if my boy picked it up a bottle of Lumberjack Wash I'd say "Why do you want that?" If you don't want your kid to have something that's marketed to girls that's fine...and if you don't want him to have something that's marketed towards boys because you feel its too violent or seems to be out of your tastes...don't let them have it. Its ok to tell your kids no. So as long as a parent isn't abusing their kid I feel that "Hey its your kid. Raise it your way."

Unless you're buying your children those creepy Kids Bop albums...then you're a terrible parent.

[He-Dad]

Lmao...I agree about kid bop albums...that's parent abuse. Luckily he's into gotye, locksley, and the beach boys(kokomo) at the moment...oh and the ghostbuster song. So no kid bop for us. He loves Dora BTW and we have Dora toys and he has stuffed animals..like 7 build a bears including smurfette to go with his papa and clumsy..Ive also gotten him care bear stuff in the past. Growing up I had a care bear, a rainbow brite sprite and her record which I still have and a cabbage patch doll...yet couldnt have she-ra. I guess it was selective bias that I inherited. Thanks again for the input. Maybe I won't feel as bad about it if it comes up again.

[wyldman11]

From a cracked article titled 5 Gender Stereotypes that used to be the exact opposite.

Luckily, all our gender issues were heartily resolved by the 1910s, when it was decided that we'd assign colors to each "team": blue was for girls and pink was for boys. No, that's not a typo: A 1918 editorial from Earnshaw's Infants' Department stated that pink was "a more decided and stronger color ... more suitable for the boy; while blue, which is more delicate and dainty, is prettier for the girl." It makes sense: Pink is the color of a nice, raw, manly steak, or the blood of your enemies splattered on a white uniform.
But things had started to switch by 1927, and there was disagreement as to which gender should get which color -- Time magazine even printed a chart showing which stores were advocating each. It wasn't until 1940 that the colors switched and advertisers decided to just go with pink for girls.

626833.jpeg

[He-Dad]

That's really interesting actually. It's amazing how advertisers can shape our views so easily. Thanks Wyldman11 for that chart!

[MOTU_Maniac]

From a cracked article titled 5 Gender Stereotypes that used to be the exact opposite.

Luckily, all our gender issues were heartily resolved by the 1910s, when it was decided that we'd assign colors to each "team": blue was for girls and pink was for boys. No, that's not a typo: A 1918 editorial from Earnshaw's Infants' Department stated that pink was "a more decided and stronger color ... more suitable for the boy; while blue, which is more delicate and dainty, is prettier for the girl." It makes sense: Pink is the color of a nice, raw, manly steak, or the blood of your enemies splattered on a white uniform.
But things had started to switch by 1927, and there was disagreement as to which gender should get which color -- Time magazine even printed a chart showing which stores were advocating each. It wasn't until 1940 that the colors switched and advertisers decided to just go with pink for girls.

Wow! I had no idea! Thanks for this bit of information wyldman11! I learn something new every day

[Dave-Man]

From a cracked article titled 5 Gender Stereotypes that used to be the exact opposite.

Luckily, all our gender issues were heartily resolved by the 1910s, when it was decided that we'd assign colors to each "team": blue was for girls and pink was for boys. No, that's not a typo: A 1918 editorial from Earnshaw's Infants' Department stated that pink was "a more decided and stronger color ... more suitable for the boy; while blue, which is more delicate and dainty, is prettier for the girl." It makes sense: Pink is the color of a nice, raw, manly steak, or the blood of your enemies splattered on a white uniform.
But things had started to switch by 1927, and there was disagreement as to which gender should get which color -- Time magazine even printed a chart showing which stores were advocating each. It wasn't until 1940 that the colors switched and advertisers decided to just go with pink for girls.

626833.jpeg

I was reading that yesterday as well. Interesting stuff, from this former sociologist and would be minister's perspective.

[wyldman11]

I would have linked the whole article from cracked but they can be a bit free with their language. It is also a humour site so some of the stuff needs to be taken with a bit of a grain of salt, but often there is some truth to it. It also talks about men crying and other gender stereotypes that are pretty recent.

[byinfernoslight]

From a cracked article titled 5 Gender Stereotypes that used to be the exact opposite.

Luckily, all our gender issues were heartily resolved by the 1910s, when it was decided that we'd assign colors to each "team": blue was for girls and pink was for boys. No, that's not a typo: A 1918 editorial from Earnshaw's Infants' Department stated that pink was "a more decided and stronger color ... more suitable for the boy; while blue, which is more delicate and dainty, is prettier for the girl." It makes sense: Pink is the color of a nice, raw, manly steak, or the blood of your enemies splattered on a white uniform.
But things had started to switch by 1927, and there was disagreement as to which gender should get which color -- Time magazine even printed a chart showing which stores were advocating each. It wasn't until 1940 that the colors switched and advertisers decided to just go with pink for girls.

626833.jpeg

I was just about to post about the colour swap. I found out about it from a show called QI which features 'quite interesting' facts & corrects things which people think are correct but aren't. Pink, being similar to red, was supposed to represent royalty while blue was seen as a peaceful, serene colour.

The 5 year old son of a friend of mine came round to play the other day. He found my daughter's fairy wand & tiara, put them on & started sing 'bibbity bobbity boo' at the top of his voice. I was astonished at how extreme the reaction was from his dad when he found out - he was really not happy that I'd allowed his son to do this.

[MOTU_Maniac]

From a cracked article titled 5 Gender Stereotypes that used to be the exact opposite.

Luckily, all our gender issues were heartily resolved by the 1910s, when it was decided that we'd assign colors to each "team": blue was for girls and pink was for boys. No, that's not a typo: A 1918 editorial from Earnshaw's Infants' Department stated that pink was "a more decided and stronger color ... more suitable for the boy; while blue, which is more delicate and dainty, is prettier for the girl." It makes sense: Pink is the color of a nice, raw, manly steak, or the blood of your enemies splattered on a white uniform.
But things had started to switch by 1927, and there was disagreement as to which gender should get which color -- Time magazine even printed a chart showing which stores were advocating each. It wasn't until 1940 that the colors switched and advertisers decided to just go with pink for girls.

I finally got to read the whole article and loved seeing that President FDR wore a dress and had long hair when he was young. And look at him...he became President!!

[deltadod]

I say if it's ok for girls to have action figures then in my opinion is ok for boys to have dolls(That's my opinion at least)

[Dave-Man]

I say if it's ok for girls to have action figures then in my opinion is ok for boys to have dolls(That's my opinion at least)

When you think about it, at what point does it stop being one and become the other?

[MOTU_Maniac]

I say if it's ok for girls to have action figures then in my opinion is ok for boys to have dolls(That's my opinion at least)

When you think about it, at what point does it stop being one and become the other?

Well said.....

[He-Dad]

The 5 year old son of a friend of mine came round to play the other day. He found my daughter's fairy wand & tiara, put them on & started sing 'bibbity bobbity boo' at the top of his voice. I was astonished at how extreme the reaction was from his dad when he found out - he was really not happy that I'd allowed his son to do this.

This would NOT bother me if my son did that....I would probably grab the camcorder and have good stuff to show his future girlfriends....lol

When you think about it, at what point does it stop being one and become the other?

My mom always said the line was real hair....lol

[deltadod]

In fact Dan levine(the guy who ivented gi joe) coined the term to market hid 12 inch military "dolls" to boys so when you think about it action figures ARE dolls.