Thanks! Ok here we go....
Scrollos works for the Overlords of Trolla
WE HAVE SONGSTER!!! (Although I wish he would've been evil like my fan fiction) It works well for this particular story
Like the tension the Gar race has seemingly created within the lands.
REALLY would've wished Miro's wife was Gar, it has more of an effect for the overall plight and state of the palace Eternos!
Killing the "Queen" pretty vague and meek for Keldor as that wretched servant goes running to Randor in a accusative manner rather than appearing to search for help or call for assistance.
- I think the proper dialogue for that scene would've been:
Servant - "Prince Randor you must come it's the Queen... She's....." rather than flatly condemn his King. If I was Keldor, I'd be coming back for him!
The apparently one eyed old man... QUICK somebody call the Scoobies!!!
Pretty weak on Randor's part (or merely extremely ambitious) on his part to not enforce the law of the kingdom and possibly hold a trial for Keldor as he quickly banishes him. What would've made Randor seem strong and just is commanding the moment even though it was pretty hostile and chaotic.
Now the traveling scene between Keldor and Panthor I guess the letterer missed placing some Keldor calls in the scene cause I don;t see anything that appears to summon Keldor to Hordak's temple???
Hordak "You will address me as Kur" I think has a little more effect than "My name is Kur" IMO
Now A dialog box should have been out on the next page (Skeletor training) stating, "As time passed Keldor studied and trained under the being Kur" so you can get an idea that this was a process as Kur tells him how he seemingly has progressed.
I actually appreciate the fact that King Hssss', He-Ro's, The Faceless One's, Evil Lyn's and the Sorceress' staffs all somehow can access and channel the power of the Star Seed. As it goes back to the idea the Power of Grayskull / Eternia is up for grabs (although it's preferable that the forces of good control it). I'm just curious as to how Evil Lyn came to accessing it and why maybe Marzo's amulet couldn't since it seems to be a truly powerful piece as well.
I don't have a problem with TMS showing to retrieve the baby. As I know it says Evil Lyn sends her baby, doesn't take him herself so no foul there. You could possibly infer that her father warned her of that moment and she would have to choose when the "Spector" arrived.
Skeleteen.... hmmm maybe his face should be painted like war paint in the image of a skull and not a mask (may try a redesign of this myself). Though the mystery to why the needed to send him I guess will be the mystery until we get his bio....
CONTINUITY FAIL Begins Here....
After he acquires the Havok Staff, Keldor turns on Hordak and amasses his forces. The final act of the Great Unrest concludes with him getting acid in the face and somehow returning to the ruined temple asking Hordak for help, thus transforming into Skeletor seems to hit a plothole. While this is going on, the sorceress and Duncan put up the Great Barrier which I know he eventually uses his Battle Armor to penetrate it and kidnap Adora and clone () the Sorceress. So in these order of events what the hell did he do to Adora if he already cut ties to Adora? Now the only thing I can piece together is that was Keldor's fee for his rebirth? Maybe but it doesn't help create the buildup with the Great Unrest as my suggestion would....
My fix: Would be once Keldor acquired the Havok Staff and returned to the temple, Hordak then gave Keldor his price... a child of Randor! With his new power Keldor does so and kidnaps Adora, but during the abduction he is injured (and angered) when he returns to the temple. As Hordak takes the child Keldor pleads for his life since he stresses that this easy plan went wrong. Hordak transforms him into Skeletor and THUS the treachery ensues! Skeletor still angered with what happened to him on this failed mission to acquire the throne; yet only return with a child that Hordak seems so interested in, makes the newly powered Skeletor revolt against him NOW destroying the temple and turning on Hordak (all the while The Sorceress and Man At Arms create the barrier). And this is where I think it gels smoother this way....
And like I put out there previously how did Songster know that Keldor merged with a demon???
Well, here is my rough cut of this mini....