Ask Gorpo!
Volume XIII - November 24, 2002

Greetings folks...believe it or not, it is I, Gorpo, here once again to
bless you with my infinite wisdom. Or is it to be tortured by your insolent
nagging? I can't remember, one or the other. I'll have to ask my press
agent. Now, on to the Q&A...

Dear Gorpo,
I have a slight problem. See, I got two girls that love me, or atleast say they do. I've been talking to both of them, you know, talking game and stuff. But only one of them. . .well, you proberly know what happen with me and her. *Evil Grin* Anyway, the thing is, I don't want to hurt either one of them but I have to choose or I'll go nuts. No, I'm not in love with either of them, I just say "love ya lil' boo" like as a friend and they say the whole "I love you too" thing. HELP ME PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cajun Moron

I can assure you that if you persist in referring to both girls as "lil' boo," your problem will resolve itself quite shortly - when they knee you in the groin and leave you for using such a ridiculous term.

Dear Gorpo,
Your words are always a great deal of fun to read, but I sense a similarity in tone to the Ferengi Pelgar from the Star Trek website. Is it possible that the filthy creature has decided to gain fame by pretending to be you? Or, Sorceress Forbid, could you and he be... ONE AND THE SAME! I shudder to think of it, for it is ridiculous. You're far wiser than he with the lobes.
And tell Cringer that the beach near my home isn't a litterbox. I expect that kind of behavior from Katrina and Panthor, but YUCK...
Sy-Clone's lesser cousin, Ty-wist the Dizzy

I am not nor ever have been known as Pelgar. Sounds like my kind of guy, though.
As for Cringer, next time that stinker comes near your beach, attack him with a broom. Always works for me.

Dear Gorpo,
hi my name is umm....Anndora (yeah, that's it) and I have a problem with my love life. I hang around with this friend of mine all day, she is good in a fight and whenever I need someone to talk to she's there. She's got the best purple hair and is really nice, by the power of She-Ra I dunno what to do...wait no, not by the power of She-Ra I mean Greyskull...yeah...what should I do about approaching her?

You should attempt to consummate this relationship IMMEDIATELY, on video, and send it directly to me, care of this website.

Dear Gorpo,
Why do you look like a purple version of.......Mel Gibson?

Because my skin is wrinkled and leathery beneath this hat?

Yo Gorpo,
I was considering making a custom action figure of you, but I'm afraid you'll sue me and crush me with the long arm of Eternian Law. I don't want to have to face Law-yor, Judge-Mental and Jur-ror! So any way to get a legitimate Gorpo Copyright, Trademark and Official Seal
of Approval and a pat on the head?

I will gladly sign off on my likeness, provided you send ME a custom of myself as well...

Dear Gorpo,
What the hell is up with this column? There was only one question regarding He-Man. What a lame waste of space. I come to He-Man.Org for MOTU info, not lame advice to fake problems. Weird.
Jeremy Dodge

Yes, the growth of the far right in European politics IS troubling, and no doubt will have far-reaching consequences for the development and direction of the EU in the twenty-first century.

Dear Gorpo,
power heman
with ight

Another good point. Perhaps the collapse of the strong conservative elements in Austria represents an opportunity for more countries to find their way
back to moderate coalition governments.

Dear Gorpo,
Where is Dree Elle???
I'm waiting for your answer!!

Last I heard, Dree and Orko were in an "off" period, though that happens every other week, so who knows what's going on now. Seems she's really pressing for an engagement ring, but Orko's waiting for a raise from the king before coughing up the cash. Fat chance. Randor's cheaper than an Andreenid stripper!

Dear Gorpo,
I have a couple of questions regarding He-Man:
1. I understand that Teela, plus half the cast of "She-Ra," is attracted to He-Man. I understand that you, as Orko's brother, probably are in the position to receive a lot of juicy info about He-Man's love life, so I am curious: have any women from OTHER cartoon series been attracted to the Big Guy, or vice versa?
2. How come Prince Adam doesn't have more friends his age to hang around with? I mean, the kid's only 16 for crying out loud! He needs friends his age that he can play football with, go surfing with, spy on Teela in the
shower with, make prank phone calls with, try to buy liquor with a fake ID with, TP Snake Mountain, etc. with. This is gonna sound kinda weird, since last time I checked I have two X chromosomes, but if I were Adam, I'd start
to get annoyed with having Teela as my only companion after a while. (Speaking of which, doesn't SHE have any girlfriends to do stuff with?)
Lastly, what's under that cloak, if anything? ;p
Swan Princess

1.) Yes, it IS interesting how He-Man never seems to get it on with all these women that salivate over him, isn't it? But he seems to spend an awful lot of time around Man-At-Arms. I'm not suggesting anything, no, just making some observations. As for women from other 'toons, not that I know of, although he IS
good friends with Smithers from The Simpsons.
2.) Personally, I'd NEVER be annoyed having Teela as my companion... I'd show you what was under the cloak, but the Eternian Supreme Court has ruled that doing so is a crime punishable by no less than thirty (30) days in the royal dungeon. Pffft. It was nothing they hadn't seen before! Well, at least not TECHNICALLY...

Well, that wraps it up for this month. Send more emails my way, and I promise I'll get the next column out a wee bit faster. Until then, remember,
I have the power!

| About | Contact Us | Legal Disclaimer | Privacy Policy | Top |
Website Security Test