Ask Gorpo!
Volume XV - January 20, 2003

Greetings G-fans!
Gorpo here, back with another round of your ex-diddly-ellent questions. These questions are some of the finest I've ever...eh, let's just do this thing, okay?


Hey Gorpo,
What the hell is up with Stratos' voice on the new series? He sounds like Sean Connery!
Prince Adams

Dear PA,
After taking a good look at Stratos, I can see a slight resemblance between Sir James Bond and the Winged One...perhaps Stratos IS Sean Connery!



Gorpo, whats up? First off, hypothetically speaking, if Battlecat from the old 80's cartoon fought Battlecat from the new cartoons, who would win? Secondly, can you hook me up with Teela or better yet, the Sorceress?
Sincerely,
Gwildor

Dear G,
I've never been able to figure out those X vs. X stories...for instance, I've often been asked whether I would beat my good friend Gandalf in a fight. How should I know? We have incompatible schools of magic. But if you're one of those compulsive types who just has to bet, well, I don't know...um...'00s Battlecat.
As for your second question, sorry, you'll have to make the trips to the bar yourself...



Dear Gorpo,
I have a simple question about the classic toy line. After viewing many pictures over the years, I have yet to notice what the difference is between Faker I and Faker II, other than packaging. Price guides and web sites like this one separate them as two different figures. Is there anything else that I might be missing? Please offer me your words of wisdom on this matter.
Thanks,
Toadus Rexicus

Dear TR,
I get a lot of questions like this, and I'd just like to say: this is more of a humor/advice column than a Question and Answer session. The best source of information for questions like these is undoubtedly the He-Man.org forums, where you will find friendly people willing to offer their expert knowledge on all matters related to the toys, cartoons and comics of MOTU history.



Dear Gorpo,
Why does He-Man wear his mink underpants with the fur on the outside?
Doesn't he know that they feel so much nicer when the fur is on the inside?
Mmm, warm 'n' fuzzy!
With all due respect,
Negaduck

Dear N,
I've mentioned this to He-Man countless times, but he says it's the style. Slave to fashion, I guess.



Your Majesty, Gorpo- Rightful ruler of all the Cosmos,
Here on the planet Earth in my home country of the United States of America (yea I KNOW it should be under your mighty rule) we have elected a President who cares little for the protection of our enviroment, and believes that to deal with global warming we will simply adopt a policy of adapting our society to a warmer climate. My question for you is twofold; first. how the the Eternians deal with enviromental issues, especally when He-Man and the so called "Masters of the Universe" are running rampant fighting Skeletor's forces and causing all sorts of damage? Second, when can you replace Geroge W. Bush and his barbaric policies?
Jake

Dear J,
Well, Eternia is in a bit of a different situation, you see. It's more sparsely populated than Earth - we've got thousands of miles of jungles and forests and not a human habitation in sight. Simply put, the damage caused by He-Man and Skeletor just doesn't make much of a dent on our environment - except, of course, that time when Skeletor sent all that volcanco ash spewing into the sky. THAT sucked.
As for your second question, you might start by dealing with this little problem.



Oh, Mighty Gorpo, I seek your supreme wisdom. You see, theres this He-Man board that i`ve been registered at for quite a bit, but I'm too nervous to post there, meanwhile I`ve seen how the posters there act, and they`ve
become like idols to me. So now I WANT to post there, but I just can't bring myself to post there out of fear that I will embarass myself. Do you have any advice for me Oh, Mighty Gorpo?
Sincerely, Impy
PS. You Rule, oh Mighty Gorpo, please to not inflict your painful, painful, painful wrath upon me.

Dear I,
Are you really that worried about being embarassed? It's an anonymous message board - no one will ever know who you REALLY are (unless you tell them). So go for it! You've got nothing to lose...



To Gorpo,
I couldn't help but eavesdrop into your publicly accessible service that you say was created for your redemption of past mishaps "the chicken incident"? Now Gorpo, is anyone in this world perfect? I think not. I have my own faults, which I overcame because of who I am today. I can sense a sheer layer of envy for your brother, whom is referred to by my master as "The Jester", for they are not happily acquainted. Orko isn't exactly perfect either. Ask him about the Tar Swamp incident. Do you really HATE the Solstice holiday? Why can't Skeletor hug children? We demonic types can show compassion too, you know. The only reason that Skeletor is seen as the "enemy" (I love quotation marks!) is because the legions of Eternos and Grayskull were too quick to oppose him. Yes, I may be demonic, but it doesn't mean that I can't cry during a sad matinee, or read an issue of "Eternian House and Garden". There is more to you than you think, Gorpo. Stop giving everyone else the credit.
Best Regards,
Scareglow

Dear SG,
Are you ACTUALLY trying to boost me up? BAH! I am a thousand times your superior, you fleshless fool! If I choose to remain aloof and neutral from the Eternian conflicts, that is MY business, but don't try to draw me in with your claims of Skeletor's moral ambiguity.
Me? Jealous of ORKO?! Surely you...jest.
But I did enjoy letting the entire world see that you cry during matinees...


Well, that's it for this month, folks. Keep sending those questions to gorpo@he-man.org and I'll keep answering them. Until then, Cthulhu ftaghn!

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