Ah
yes, it's true. At long last, your dearest Gorpo has returned
to answer
your inane chatterings with far more wisdom than you deserve.
But I kid; I
know less than half of you half as well as I should like,
and I dislike all
of you. But I digress. On to the questions!
"Lord Reilly" writes:
So dear Gorpo, why is a new figure of your lousy brother in
the works already while we are still longing for a plastic
version of yours we can pray to?
Dear
Lord,
As I've mentioned elsewhere, it's all about money, of course.
Mattel has not approached me about licensing my likeness,
and until they do, I'm afraid all you Gorpoans won't have
a plastic idol of your idol. Which is fine, because I don't
even want to think about what you'd do to it. You're sick!
Sick!
"angryoriental" writes:
i am the angryoriental and i like motor sports, unfortunately
my wife isn't
too jazzed about me riding things that goes 160+ mph. so my
question to you
is.... how do i go about buying a gsx-r 1000 and a polaris
rmk 800 at the
same time? now mind you the money is not the problem, convincing
my wife is.
any advice on how to convince my wife that I NEED both would
be greatly
appreciated!
Dear
Enraged Man of Asian Descent,
Your problem is obvious: you actually listen to your wife.
No, strike that -
you *obey* your wife. What's up with that? I suggest you grow
a set and buy whatever dangerous recreational equipment you
like. Just keep your smelly, noise-polluting self outta my
backyard, hear?
Dear Gorpo,
I'm in urgent need of your assistance. For the past two years
I've been
posting on an Internet message board devoted to a 1980s toyline
and cartoon
show (which, by pure coincidence, is about to make a comeback
and give the
Power Rangers a long overdue kick up the backside). I've recently
realized
that I'm addicted to this message board. However, this is
not the problem.
Without realizing it, I've developed a nervous habit of starting
every post
on this message board with the phrase 'Chris here...'. The
problem is, I
can't remember why I started doing it. Worse yet, I can't
stop!! Have you
any insight into why this happens? Is my subconcious mind
trying to assert
itself by consistently compelling me to state my identity?
Or, is there some
deeper, darker reason?
Yours in Chris here-ness,
Chris (here)
Dear
Chris there,
Gorpo here. Believe me, I take your condition very seriously.
Gorpo here. I
think you should look deep inside yourself and figure out
why you feel the
need to reassert your identity every time you comunicate.
Gorpo here. And if that doesn't work, then please seek out
psychological counseling, because this is clearly a serious
problem.
Gorpo
(no longer) here.
"Lioncourt" writes:
We are all aware that the answer to the ultimate question
of life, the universe, and everything is in fact "42"...but
could you possibly tell us what the actual question is?
Dear Lioncourt,
No.
"Jerico the Warrior" writes:
I have long since pondered why holes in underwear develop.
Is it because of
friction or repeated washing that cause the fabrics to breakdown?
Dear
JTW,
I have often pondered this very same question. When you are
surrounded by people wearing naught but furry briefs all day,
underwear generally becomes the most common dinner topic.
As for your question, I asked Prince Adam about it, and he
informs me that it's a combination of both the friction and
repeated washing. Skid marks don't help either.
Dear Gorpo,
Filled
with love for He-man and all things MOTU, I took to wearing
furry
underwear some years ago. While quite comfortable, they would
occasionally
get fleas, which required special underwear shampoo.
Anyway,
now I wish to emulate the new He-man 2002 figure, who wears
even
bigger furry underwear, but when I wear it, fur sticks out
all over, my pants don't fit right, and co-workers stare.
Worse, I may have a family of ticks living in my underwear.
What
can I do to continue wearing these marvellous undergarments
and still
function normally at work?
Sincerely,
Baffled
Bushy BVD buyer
Dear
BBBVDB,
There's a simple solution to your problem. The dress-wearing
Scots have been using it for tens of years: try wearing normal
briefs under your furry
underwear. If you just can't get bring yourself to, then I'm
afraid you'll
have to resign yourself to years of tick-infested groins.
Best of luck.
Well, that does it for this month, dear friends. What's that?
What? Oh
right...um..."please be sure to send more questions my
way." There, okay! I did it! Now get off my back, officer!
Yeesh
