Ask Gorpo!
Volume 16: February 20, 2003

Greetings Gorpo fans...the G-Man's here, back with another round of Q&A from
my everlovin' fans.

Dear Gorpo,
It is I, one of your arch nemesises..nemisi. nem.. um.. it's me, DR. OMEGA!! In your last column,Toadus Rexicus asked about the differences between Faker I and Faker II:
"Dear Gorpo,
I have a simple question about the classic toy line. After viewing many pictures over the years, I have yet to notice what the difference is between Faker I and Faker II...
..Thanks,
Toadus Rexicus"

You advised to go to He-man.org for answers. Perhaps I can help you to answer this one. Maybe you didn't know them very well, but the Fabulous Faker Boys used to live in my neighborhood. We grew up together. Faker I was a bit of a loner, and more moody than his brother. He was fairly clean and tidy, had at least 4 dead giveaways when playing poker and played a mean guitar. Faker II was a the slob. He didn't have any musical talent, but was a great dancer and quite the ladies man. He also had a bit of a problem with the drink. In fact, weren't you there at the intervention to try to get him off the 10W40? Most people want to know which one was tougher, though. While both of them were pretty strong, the real powerhouse was their mom. I can tell you, she was one tough Mother Faker!
Anyway, my question:
I notice that you and Orko dress really similarly. I would think that you would want to distance yourself from him as much as possible. So, have you ever thought about giving yourself a makeover? Maybe get a little "Gansta' Rapper" look, like that Limp Bizkit cover?
- Dr. Omega

Dear DO,
First off, who's column is this, mine or yours? But seriously, thanks for the--um, "facts" on the two Fakers. As for Orko and I, the truth is--these aren't costumes. We Trollans actually float around stark naked. It's true! SO I could no easier change my outfit than you could change your skin color...and why would I want to do that? I happen to like royal purple...


Gorpo, what deodorant does He-Man use? I mean, Teela doesn't die instantly when she's around him so he must have some remedy for body odor. Not that I have a body odor problem, or anything....
-Positronic Man

Dear PM,
He-Man uses Eternium Supergel, the Most Powerful Deodorant in the Universe. Unfortunately, it's made special by the Sorceress, so you're going to have to live with your own stench.


Dear Gorpo,
I have something to ask you and i was wondering if you could maybe shed some light on the subject. The character stinkor had his own figure in the 80's series ... you know, the one with the smell... why is it he never made an apperance on any of the He-Man episodes. NOT one time did we ever see STINKOR in any of the 130 episodes of the original. Do you think they may
bring him back in the new series? or even make a new figure of him? I know he wasn't very popular,but he is still a Character of He-Man and should deserve to be included in the series.
Thank You
-TrapJaw26

Dear TJ26,
Stinkor was a victim of technology. In the early '80s there was a brief fad with something called Smellivision, in which a special box was attached to one's TV that emitted smells based on the show that was on. Filmation was worried that having Stinkor on such modified TVs might cause kids to get sick (Beast Man was bad enough), so they kept Stinkor off the airwaves.


O, Great and Powerful Gorpo,
What has happened? Are you not well? You seemed to be a little, well, polite, during the last column. I mean, other than that wannabe, Scareglow, you didn't even mock anyone. You actually seemed to want to help people! I'm almost starting to lose respect for you...
-DreamTripper

Dear DT,
And exactly why should I care whether you have any respect for me or not, you being an insignificant peon compared to the heavenly might of Gorpo? I don't trouble myself with the opinions of those on par with ruminants.


Dear Gorpo: the ruthless and wise,
I have the misfortune of being made stage manager to the cast from Hades. This would not be such a problem if I were not an angel. Try as I may, my heart is not into my newly appointed conversion to demon status. Though I often say the right words I cannot instill the sense of fear for life and limb necessary to my job. I fear my superior will soon clip my wings if this situation is not rectified. And so, I have written to you in the hope of some professional guidance and enlightenment.
In desperation,
Angelica

Dear Angelica,
First off, get yourself into a schedule of daily whippings and torture. Once you've got your cast and crew on the ropes (literally), you'll have a better sense of how demonhood can work for you. Once you're settled, I suggest upping the ante with a few sacrifices (try the tech people; there are always plenty of them) and maybe a summoning - I recommend Rubicante or Malacoda, they've got some background in drama. Use them to frighten the last few holdouts and you'll be good to go!


Well, that's it for this month. Be sure to send along more questions to gorpo@he-man.org. Ta ta for later!