Ah, Spring...

Narrator: "Ah, spring. When a young Beast Man's fancy turns to thoughts of love and romance...."

Fade in on a shot of Snake Mountain in the spring time - which, considering the location, is difficult to tell from the rest of the time. We see Beast Man skipping through the halls, carrying a scraggly-looking bouquet of flowers and a really trashed-looking box of candy, humming to himself.

He skips past Mer-Man. Mer-Man watches him pass, and shakes his head.

Mer-Man: (sighs) "Oh, God. Here we go again."

Beast Man skips up to Evil-Lynn's door. He knocks, and when Evil-Lynn comes out, he holds out his bouquet and candy to her hopefully with big puppy-dog eyes.

Evil-Lynn looks at Beast Man, looks at the bouquet and candy, looks back and Beast Man, and can no longer contain herself.

Evil-Lynn: "BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!" She points at Beast Man and laughs some more.

Beast Man looks crushed. He walks away dejectedly, passing Mer-Man again.

Mer-Man:"So, how'd you do?"

Fade quickly to black as we hear Mer-Man's voice say "URK!"

Fade back in where we see that Mer-Man has the box of candy and the bouquet both shoved in his mouth.

ETERNOS CITY - AFTERNOON
Fade in on a sign that says "Ye Olde Alchemist Shoppe" - The camera enters the shop, where we see Beast Man looming over the shopkeeper menacingly.

Shopkeeper: "Well, King Randor says we're not supposed to deal with the Evil Warriors..."

Beast Man: (Low Growl) (Shows his teeth)

Shopkeeper: (Swallows hard): "But in your case, I'm sure we can make an exception..."

He hands Beast Man a crystal vial, similar to the one Galadriel gave to Frodo in the LOTR movies, but pink and with a big number "9" on it. Beast Man looks happier.

Shopkeeper: "Uh, no charge of course. Just leave, please."

Beast Man: (looks at vial) "Oh, yeah. Things are gonna change now." He stalks out of the shop.

Shopkeeper: "I can't count the ways this could possibly go wrong. But on the plus side, at least he didn't eat my face."

THE EVERGREEN FOREST - LATE AFTERNOON

Fade in on a checkered picnic blanket, with the requisite wicker basket and a bottle of wine in a bucket of ice. Beast Man's hand enters the frame, takes the bottle and uncorks it. He is humming to himself again as he pours the contents of the flask the alchemist gave him into the bottle.

The bottle glows, and there is a loud "FOOOMP!" sound as pink smoke comes out of the bottle, and forms the shape of a heart. Beast Man grins as he puts the cork back into the bottle. Beast Man hears a noise, and hides.

Evil-Lynn enters the scene, looking a bit annoyed.

Lynn: "Why the hell did Skeletor make me traipse all the way out here?" She sees the picnic spread out on the ground. "A picnic? That's... not like him at all."

Beast Man: "Why, no, Lynn. It's like me." Evil-Lynn looks disgusted now.

Lynn: "What makes you think I would want to have a picnic with you, Baboon Breath?"

Beast Man: "Aw, 'cmon. Have a little wine, at least."

Evil-Lynn: "I couldn't *get* drunk enough to do anything with you."

Beast Man: "Why don't we just test that out, hmmm?"

Evil-Lynn: "Skeletor's going to make a rug out of you." She turns and stomps away. Beast Man starts to panic.

Beast Man: "Come back, Eeeeeevil-Lynn!" He goes running after her, leaving his picnic where it sits.

EVERGREEN FOREST - LATER AFTERNOON

Prince Adam and Cringer enter the same scene Beast Man and Evil-Lynn just left. Adam has his fishing pole and a stringer of fish. He wipes his brow.

Adam: "Man, Cringer. It is warm today. I could go for something to drink."
He notices Beast Man's picnic. "Hel-lo. What have we here?" He looks around but sees no one.

Adam: "Hello! Anybody mind if I take a drink of this wine? Anybody?" No one answers. "Well, I'm sure they won't mind if I just take a couple of sips. I'll pay them." He takes a drink of the wine. "Hmm. Interesting flavor. I've never tried anything quite like this. I wonder what vintage this is."

Evil-Lynn emerges from the brush.

Lynn: "Has that moron given up chasing after me yet?"

Adam looks at Lynn. His eyes get very big. She seems to almost have a halo as the "Love Theme From Romeo and Juliet" starts playing in the background.

Adam: "Wah?"

Lynn looks at Adam. He is scruffy, unshaven, and smells a lot like a combination between wet tiger and fish.

Beast Man: (Off stage) "EEEEEEEEEVIL-LYYYYYYYN!"

Lynn: "Whoops. Gotta run."

Adam sits there, looking addled for a moment. He thinks about it for a minute.

Adam: (shrugs) "Why not?" He starts chasing after Lynn himself. "EEEEEEVIL-LYNNNNNNN!"


Narrator: "Ah, spring. When a young prince's fancy turns to thoughts of love and romance."

ROYAL PALACE, THRONE ROOM - EARLY EVENING

Randor and Marlena have just finished up court for the day, when Adam comes in, still carrying his fishing pole, and his now-reeking stringer of fish.

ADAM: (Excitedly) "Mother, Father, I have the most wonderful news!"

RANDOR: (Holding his nose) "I hope those fish aren't it."

ADAM: "What? Oh, the fish. I forgot. I've been too busy. You see, I've finally found my princess."

RANDOR: "Hallelujah! I *knew* the boy wasn't gay!"

MARLENA: "That's wonderful, dear. I know you and Teela will be very happy together."

ADAM: "Teela? Yes, she's very attractive, but I'm not going to marry Teela."

MARLENA: "Well then who-"

ADAM: "I'm going to marry Evil-Lynn."

Randor's jaw drops open, and he sits there, staring at his son as if he has just grown a second head.

MARLENA: "Adam, you know they don't celebrate April Fools Day here on Eternia..."

ADAM:"April whoo-be Whatty?"

MARLENA: "I was afraid of that. Randor, say something to your son."

Randor continues to stare, slack-jawed.

ADAM: "I think we broke Dad."

MARLENA: "Isn't Evil-Lynn going around with Skeletor these days?"

ADAM: "Well, yeah. But she'll leave old Bonehead when she sees how powerful I am."

MARLENA: "Uh... right. Have you told Duncan about this?"

ADAM: "Not yet. I haven't seen him today. I suppose I should tell him and Teela, though."

Marlena thinks about this...
(Show quick flash of Teela beating the crap out of Adam)

MARLENA: "Maybe you ought to tell Duncan first. You know, let Teela down easy."

ADAM: "Yeah, that'd probably be best."

ELSEWHERE:
We see Teela working out. After she is finished, she heads back to her quarters and runs into Cringer along the way.

TEELA: "Hi, Cringer."

CRINGER: "I didn't do it! I tried to talk him out of it! Don't blame me! YAAAAAH!" (He runs away.)

TEELA: "Why do I have the feeling I'm going to want to hurt someone when I find out what this is all about?"

Hehehe this is funny, i really wanna see want happens next

SNAKE MOUNTAIN, SKELETOR'S CHAMBERS - NIGHT

Skeletor and Evil-Lynn are kissing passionately, while raking each other with their nails and otherwise doing the whole "love hurts" deal.

SKELETOR: "Tell me how much you want me to hurt you!"

LYNN: "Oh, Gods below! Yes! Yes, master. Hurt me! Hurt me some-"

BEAST MAN'S VOICE: "AROOOOOOOOO! Eeeevil-Lynn!" (Various ape noises)

SKELETOR: (Angrily, through clenched teeth) "Not again! I thought you told him you weren't interested."

LYNN: "I tried, but he's dense as a post. Won't take a hint."

SKELETOR: "I suppose it could be worse, though."

LYNN: "Don't say that. Every time you say that, it always gets worse."

BEAST MAN'S VOICE: "AROOOO-huh? What are you-"

Strains of lute music waft in from outside.

ADAM'S VOICE: (sings) "Caaaaan you feeeeel the loooooove toniiiight-"

SKELETOR: "OK, it's worse."

lol...raking each other, keep the funny coming.

THis is funny. Keep it up

SNAKE MOUNTAIN - MORNING

Skeletor walks down the corridor to his throne room, clad in his bathrobe and rubbing his eyes. About to enter the throne room, he runs into Faker.

FAKER: "Ah, Master. You have awakened just in time. Since Mistress Evil-Lynn is not awake at present, what would you like us to do with the flowers?"

SKELETOR: "Flowers?"

FAKER: "Yes, Master. They keep arriving. Here is the card: 'From your sweet baboo'. I thought maybe you had sent them to her."

SKELETOR: "I don't do flowers and you know it. And if I did, why would I mail them to her when I could deliver them myself? 'From your sweet baboon', eh? Must be Beast Man again. Remind me to kill him after I've had some coffee."

FAKER: "Very good, Master. But what shall I do with the flowers."

SKELETOR: "Burn them."

FAKER: "All of them?"

SKELETOR: "Of course all of them, bucket brain!"

FAKER: "You may find the amount of smoke offensive."

SKELETOR: "Do it anyway." (Starts to open the throne room door)

FAKER: "I wouldn't -" (Skeletor opens the door, and his jaw drops.)

SKELETOR: "AAAAAARRRRRRRRGH! It's... it's... CHEERFUL!"

Skeletor's entire throne room is full of rare and beautiful bouquets. The evil overlord grinds his teeth.

SKELETOR: "Oh, somebody is going to die for this!"

ETERNOS CITY - ROYAL FLORIST - DAY

ADAM: "And deliver them to her at once." (He hands the florist a big bag of money).

FLORIST: "Yes, milord."

Adam sighs happily.
Teela enters the shop.

ADAM: "Oh, good morning Teela."

TEELA: "Good Morning, Adam. Buying flowers huh?" (Bats her eyes at him) "For anyone I know?"

ADAM: "Yes, as a matter of fact."

TEELA: (Coyly) "Whoooo?"

ADAM: (Grins) "Evil-Lynn."

TEELA: "WHAT!?!"

ADAM: "I have found true love, and Evil-Lynn is going to be my bride."

TEELA: "YOU ... YOU..." (Her face turns red.)

FLORIST: "If I were you, milord, I'd run now."

ADAM: "Already gone!" (He leaps past Teela and out the door. Teela chases him.)

FLORIST: "Whew. Averted disaster on that one."

There is a loud POOF, and Skeletor appears in a cloud of brimstone smoke.

SKELETOR: "All right, petal pusher! Where is he?"

FLORIST: (whimpers)

lmao, Skeletor's gonna kill Adam that is so worth watching, wouldn't doubt if Teela join in^_^!

ETERNOS CITY - ROYAL PALACE - DAY
Adam is hiding out in a storage room from Teela.

Duncan enters the storage room, and notices Adam hiding there. He adopts a false-cheefrul smile.

DUNCAN: "So, Adam. There you are. Teela told me the good news."

ADAM: "She did?" He eyes Duncan warily.

DUNCAN: "Oh, yes. I'm happy for you."

ADAM: "You are?"

DUNCAN: "In fact, I want to be the first to shake your hand."

ADAM: "Really?"

DUNCAN: "Absolutely."

He holds out his hand. Reluctantly, Adam takes it, and is immediately shocked by a taser attachment on Duncan's armor, sort of like a joy buzzer but powerul enough to knock someone out.

ADAM: "Oh Sugar-Honey-Ice-Tea!" (Falls unconscious)

DUNCAN: "That was surprisingly easy."

Throws Adam's body over his shoulder.

ADAM: (mumbles) "Is that you mommy? Don't wanna go to school today... Want my blankie and my Teddy Beast Man..."

Originally Posted by Dave-Man

ADAM: "Oh Sugar-Honey-Ice-Tea!" (Falls unconscious)

BWAHAHAHA! Absolutely classic, dude!

This has to be one of the funniest things I've ever read. This is great. keep it up.

Mer-Man always seems to get the poopy end of the stick. Is he not a great aquatic warrior?

FPB - Mer-Man is probably the only sane one around Snake Mountain in these fics. He usually pays for it, too.

************************************************** ********
ROYAL PALACE – DAY

Duncan is carrying the comatose body of Prince Adam toward his workshop, and grumbling to himself the whole way.

DUNCAN: “Why me? Why do I always have to clean up all the messes around here? King Randor’s all ‘Oh, Duncan, we need better weapons to fight Skeletor.’ The Sorceress and her damned ‘Duncan, we need to protect He-Man’s identity.’ Not to mention Adam and all his damn teen angst. Teela, constantly mooning over him and pretending she doesn’t like him at the same time. As if I care. It’s enough to drive a person to drink.”

He loads Adam into a waiting Wind Raider, and fires it up.

DUNCAN: “I’m getting too old for this crap, I can tell you that.” (He turns on the Wind Raider’s communicator.) “I got him. I can’t tell what Evil-Lynn did to him, though. He seems the same as always. Well, other than that.”

He lands the Wind Raider near Castle Grayskull, and looks up at the imposing edifice. He sighs deeply. He picks up Adam and starts to walk toward the castle.

DUNCAN: “Well, at least this day can’t get any worse.”

SKELETOR: “Beg to differ.” (He appears in his trademark puff of brimstone smoke.)

DUNCAN: “Aw, crap.”

SKELETOR: "All right, armor boy. Hand him over."

DUNCAN: "It's not his fault, you know. Evil-Lynn put a spell on him."

SKELETOR: "Ridiculous. Why would she do that?"

DUNCAN: "Because she's an evil, backstabbing temptress?"

SKELETOR: (Starts to speak, then thinks about it for a minute) "I really hate it when you people make sense." (Thinks about it some more) "Of course, I probably should kill him any way, before that stupid barbarian you run around with all the time shows up."

DUNCAN: (Gets a shifty look on his face) "OK, you can have him. Let's shake on it."

SKELETOR: (Suspiciously) "Really?"

DUNCAN: "Absolutely."

SKELETOR: "This comes as a bit of a shock."

DUNCAN: "Yeah, it is." (He grabs Skeletor's hand, and hits him with the same taser that he used on Adam)

SKELETOR: "Oh, Sugar-Honey-Ice-Tea!" (He lets go of Duncan' hand)

Duncan stares in amazement.

SKELETOR: "I have *GOT* to get me one of *THOSE*!"

Oh please lol, keep writing!!! that was soo funny!

DUNCAN: "You actually enjoyed that?"

SKELETOR: "Yeah, I did. Can I have that?"

DUNCAN: "I tested that on myself - it felt like an Attak-Trak ran over my nuts and then I was fed to a horde of rabid burning weasels."

SKELETOR: "Yeah, that was pretty much it, all right. So can I have that thing or not?"

DUNCAN: "Ummm - OK." (He takes off the taser attachment and gives it to Skeletor, who accepts it happily and starts shocking himself again.)

Duncan picks up Adam and sneaks away while Skeletor is getting off on shocking himself with the taser.

DUNCAN: "You know, that was almost too easy."

Skeletor plays with his new toy for a while, then remembers Adam.

SKELETOR: "Damn that Man-At-Arms! He tricked me again! But if Prince Poo-Poo Head comes back to Snake Mountain, I'll get him next time."

He wipes his brow.

SKELETOR: "Damn. I'm thirsty. I wonder if there's anything around here to drink..."

EVERGREEN FOREST - LATE AFTERNOON

Skeletor has stumbled across the remains of Beast Man's picnic from the previous day.

SKELETOR: "I am so parched." (Notices the bottle of wine) "Hel-lo. What have we here?" (He drinks it.) "BURP! Odd vintage."

Loud roaring is heard off camera, and He-Man appears, riding Battle-Cat.

HE-MAN: (To Battle-Cat) "And I am SO going to kick that witch's butt for putting the whammy on me. I mean, it was disgusting. I-" (He sees Skeletor standing in the path.)

HE-MAN: "Skeletor! What are you doing near Grayskull, fiend?"

SKELETOR: (Looks a bit confused) "Uh... Say, did you do something different with your hair?"

HE-MAN: "What are you talking about?"

SKELETOR: "You know, I've never really noticed how handsome you are."

BATTLE-CAT: "Maybe the sun has fried his brain... if he has one."

HE-MAN: "Uh... Skeletor, why are you looking at me that way?"

Narrator: "Ah, spring, when a ruthless interdimensional villain's thoughts turn to love and romance."

Originally Posted by Dave-Man

SKELETOR: "You know, I've never really noticed how handsome you are."

Bwahahaha!!! lmao

hahaha! ok, i know it's an old thread, but hilarious writing! so glad i ventured into the story...