Just so sureal.

Sitting in my brand new house I just got with the wife. and just wanted to relate to some thoughts. with some old freinds, here on He man.org. it just seams so sureal. the very farbrick of realty, so so sureal. I just cant get a grip. serisly I can feel the matter under my fingers. but it doss'int feel real. I thought I was gonna have to leave my wife.

because of her step doughter, wanted to bring over her %^!*. well haveing visions of her doing it my new home. that we just got.made me flip out, on that full moon night. when she told me she was gonna bring this $^*! over. and what am I gonna know with her door shut. well I just fliped punched holes in the wall. slaped the wife around in a raving frenzy. all ending in seeing the pair talking to the cops and laffing and jokeing with the cops.

the creepo sons of $%^&#%$( just hung around the whole time. has I got worked up more and more. Right to the end,talking to the cops.I then spend the night in my friendly cozy refridgeraterated cell. with only a cheap blaket and no shirt. when I got arested stupid me, I tell you I never been so misserable in my life. just trying to keep warm. then the next my morning I have to relate to my boss. why I am 3 hours late, work the rest of the 8 hour day. then sign papers for a house the next day. like nothing hapened, well needless to say a few months latter in the House. and the step douthers is still afraid of me. and lives with boyfreind, and has since got knocked up with this guy. I feel like im in a middle of a sope opra. I can just see this whole extended family liveing with us next. if It dose im flying outa here fast.

I think im haveing a break down, nothing seems real only pain from hurting yourself or something feels acute. the way my life has run to this point seems to me I did nothing wrong. allways tried to be a good guy, and before you say ahh, your just jealous of your step doughter let me just say. every bit of step fartherly love I had for her. was stompted out that day. and realy would prefer to dissown her alltogether. so please don't be confused, so long ago that point in time. and stuck can't seem to move forward. out of step need to find the pace again.

start working out again. find a grove try to get down to earth. feel some reality, its not there. the air is different I have no perception of reality. I am cut of from a life giveing energy. deprived of any nerve endings. besides my sensistive teeth. and its not because my step doughter is gone. that has made me happy. but I think im gonna to feel this way from now on. and I know, I don't know what kind of responce, I want back. just looking for a wellcome back to He man.org I suppose sorry just had to get that out. there.

If I was you, I would try and talk to a councilor or something. It sounds like you have some stuff that is in need of being worked out. Don't go off the deep end and hurt anyone...

Just read through everything.

Yes please, don't do anything you will regret. There's no reason you should be slapping your wife (or anyone) around because of something your step-daughter is doing. If you want, don't hesitate to private message me if you need someone to talk to.

I further suggest you talk to someone. There's no shame in it and it seems as though you might have some anger issues that need to work out. Talking to someone is the first step to making things better.

~W~

Here's a dose of reality. You deserved to be locked up for hitting your wife and should have spent some more time in jail. Reacting that violently hasn't resulted you in anything positive and has probably tripled your problems.

You seriously need counseling because whatever your doing now isn't working and if you get more violent you may do things you will regret. If you have to leave the situation to regain your sanity, then leave. If not, go see a family counselor.

But do something positive and help yourself out.

But seriously, that is a terrible story. I won't pretend to know the whole situation or anything, but it definitely sounds like something is seriously wrong and you should seek counseling, remove yourself from that situation, or both.

And if I understood you correctly, the problem is your stepdaughter having sex in your house? How old is she? Certainly there has to be a better, more mature way to handle this than hitting your wife.

Originally Posted by guitargod694

But seriously, that is a terrible story. I won't pretend to know the whole situation or anything, but it definitely sounds like something is seriously wrong and you should seek counseling, remove yourself from that situation, or both.

And if I understood you correctly, the problem is your stepdaughter having sex in your house? How old is she? Certainly there has to be a better, more mature way to handle this than hitting your wife.

No she has since moved out since the incident I got arested. she knows I wont stand for that disrespect going down in my house.

it will just be divorce time for me and the wife. if it dose, and as for me haveing isues or mental problems. I diagree the wife has to understand. that her daughter can not play house in our house. create your fairy tail somewhere else. get a house with him just like we did. don't bring em home, its the most major dissrespect. and I for one will not stand for it. as for all my abstract coments. its all very true, haveing this house. will allways be a sureal allmost dreamlike state, of unrealness.

ask anyone who owns a home and most of them will tell you the same thing. as you put around your house. doing whatever or looking into the back yard. theres something so unreal about it. asumeing you lived in an apartment for most of you life. the whole exsperiance of sudenly haveing your own home. will stay a very detached from reality, and unreal feeling. for a long time, as for the events that acured with the step daughter.

haveing anything to do with this detachment. maybe to some extent, but I fully understand. that this step daughter of mine. that I have known since she was 13, and is now 20. is quite insane, and has never even tried to be friends with me. I am going to dissown her for as long as I live. so help me God.

If she is 20, then she's an adult and has the right to decide what she does. If it's in your house, then I can understand your problem with it. But with all due respect, beating your wife over it?

There are more reasonable ways to defuse a situation. Sitting down and calmly talking things out never hurt anyone. Maintaining your temper and laying down ground rules will most assuredly help in the healing process.

But above all, I highly advise you go see a consuelor. It really what's best.

~W~

Your step daughter is 20? How old are you to have a 20 year old step daughter? I assume your wife must be a fair bit older than you?
Your step daughter is an adult, you can't expect to control people like that.
It seems like you aren't coping very well with your family if they are making you violent towards them. Thats not a healthy situation to be in.

intrusive thoughts, they can be really wicked, it's like everytime i go to the cinema i have to remember (unfortunatly) how can i watch this movie and read the subtitles at the same time? It's like the film's up there and the subs down there, it's impossible.

Than i cannot watch a movie properly because i notice there are some subs down there, but the film is up there!!! dam you intrusive thoughts!!

I am a home owner and I honestly don't know what your talking about this "surreal" experience. Its more real to me, especially when stuff needs to get fixed. I do make the rules in my house, but my wife is my partner and she has her ways too.

Now, I wouldn't stand for any wrong doings going on in my house, but I wouldn't strike my wife for it. Also, as a father, I don't think I would have the right to tell my daughter what to do with her life at 20. She's an adult and can live her life. Granted, if she's still living at my house at 20 I wouldn't put up with very much, but violence is not the answer.

What actions are you doing to resolve this?

I'm sorry but hitting your wife is terrible, to me you sound like someone who has large problems and I think everyone around should get as far away from you as they can.

Dude, you have problems in your heads. Hitting your wife is an answer? You deserve a lot more than spending a night in jail.

Don't you think beating your wife is a little more disrespectful than someone having sex in your house?

Originally Posted by braxsis364

No she has since moved out since the incident I got arested. she knows I wont stand for that disrespect going down in my house.

it will just be divorce time for me and the wife. if it dose, and as for me haveing isues or mental problems. I diagree the wife has to understand. that her daughter can not play house in our house. create your fairy tail somewhere else. get a house with him just like we did. don't bring em home, its the most major dissrespect. and I for one will not stand for it. as for all my abstract coments. its all very true, haveing this house. will allways be a sureal allmost dreamlike state, of unrealness.

ask anyone who owns a home and most of them will tell you the same thing. as you put around your house. doing whatever or looking into the back yard. theres something so unreal about it. asumeing you lived in an apartment for most of you life. the whole exsperiance of sudenly haveing your own home. will stay a very detached from reality, and unreal feeling. for a long time, as for the events that acured with the step daughter.

haveing anything to do with this detachment. maybe to some extent, but I fully understand. that this step daughter of mine. that I have known since she was 13, and is now 20. is quite insane, and has never even tried to be friends with me. I am going to dissown her for as long as I live. so help me God.

I've owned a house for a couple of years now and I have no idea what you mean by any of that. It's cool and all, but it's just a house. It doesn't entitle you to violently enforce your will on all who enter. I don't know where you live so maybe the laws are different there, but wouldn't this also be your wife's house? Shouldn't she also have some input as to what the rules are? And at very least, shouldn't she be allowed to live there without getting punched in the face whenever you feel like you've been disrespected by her daughter?

And how old does a person have to be for you to consider consensual sexual activity to not be a personal attack at you as the home owner? I really don't see how that affects you at all.

The best part is that, this is all unfolding on a He-Man message board.

Christ.

After reading the update, I guess I'm a little confused....

She's 20 years old and has been moved out of the house and living with the boyfriend for months now, right? Why are you still so upset about this?

Ok it seems I need to clarifiy things a little bit. first of all, I had no idea how much of a bad guy, I was makeing my self to be. for the record, I never punched my wife. with a closed fist, and as far as I know, nowhere in my posts do I say that. the reason I slaped and pushed my wife around.

was because My step daughter basicly told me in so many words. how are you gona know what we're doing with the door shut. thats when I fliped out, its not gona go down in my house. before when we where liveing in an apartment. the step daughter said he wassint liveing there ether. just falling asleep watching movies every night. thats not liveing there no of course not. well now that im busting my @$$ for this house. its not going down here maybe guitargod694 wouldint mind haveing his step daughter. if he had one and her boyfriend.liveing rent free in his house.

then baby comes along and you have a whole rent free family. takeing advantage of you. and I did'int realy hurt my wife at all.she just wanted to be a jerk and get me arested for the night. bskcase what am I doing to resolve this. well as long as shes not liveing here. there haveint been any actions I need to take. its been peacefull, I like it better then when that little tramp. used to come in and out all hours of the night and day. leaveing doors open, when im trying to sleep for work. maybe that wouldint be a problem for some people. but for me its a major one I can not sleep at night. unless I know all the doors are locked. how peacefully can you sleep at night knowing your front door is open.

uh ask yourself that one, maybe if you seen my step daughters my space page. maybe that would paint a different picture for you. thats all she dose on the computer. she dont look up informaition doseint visit other chat sites like this one. only my space and porn sites. my best guess is that her and her boyfriend are swingers. have an open relationship, and mess around on each other. or maybe they even share, I supose im still the bad guy here. well I thougt I had a few friends on here. who would be a little more understanding. but I guess I was wrong. and to those who dissagree with the detachment I feel well I think its going to take some time. to sink in that I actuley have this house. maybe I don't want it to. maybe I want it to stay sureal it is just a dream for most people. is'int that why they call it the american dream. to own a home maybe thats part of the pleasure of it. to be so dream like.

Pardon me, perhaps I missed something. You say you smacked your wife around a little bit because of something her daughter did? How are the current actions of her daughter her fault?

I value the friends that tell me when they think I've done something wrong the most. Because they have the courage to do so, and I value their opinions. People here have offered to lend an ear if you need to talk, and it sounds like you do. To me, that indicates that you do have friends here, even if they are not willing to allow you to justify your actions.

It doesn't matter WHAT the reason is - hitting or slapping someone is not ok. Your wife was not being a 'Jerk' for 'getting' you arrested - you got YOURSELF arrested. You hit your wife. This is WRONG. And the way you're trying to justify it is alarming. The scary thing is that it doesn't sound like you have any regret over doing it - just regret over the fact that you had to spend the night in jail.

It sounds like you have some issues to work out with your family. But it also sounds like you're trying to place the blame on everyone else. You're judging them for their 'faults' and blaming your bad behavior on them.

I'm concerned by how you speak of others, and how you refer to the fact that your step-daughter has never tried to be 'friends' with you. Something about that statement really disturbs me. Please get yourself some help, before you hurt yourself, or hurt someone else again.

Originally Posted by Uncle Dorko

Pardon me, perhaps I missed something. You say you smacked your wife around a little bit because of something her daughter did? How are the current actions of her daughter her fault?

Yeah thats like beating the cat when the dog crapped on the floor. That makes no sense.

Now, of all people who are attached to their home I think it would be me, for this is the house I grew up in and now its mine. I have a huge connection to it. But I'm not taking it to the extreme you are.

However, if my 20 year old daughter were screwing guys every night well then, guess what? She'd be out of my house if I had already established said rule that there were no men in the house.

From what I can piece together from your posts, it sounds as if you got ticked off at your step daughter, who does live, used to live, uses your house for a brothel, I'm not sure...and you got so enraged you smacked your wife. Nice. Again that logic makes no sense. You need to address the issue(without violence) with your step daughter. And if nothing can be resolved then maybe its best if you removed yourself from the picture and leave your wife and step daughter.

As for hitting your wife, I dont give a **** if it was closed fist, open hand, with a damn belt or whatever. Hitting is hitting and no man should hit a woman. THE END.

Yeah your step daughter is a legal adult now. Chances are she doesn't want to follow rules a child would. That's fine, but if that's the case she'd have to live elsewhere. I told my kids the same thing--they don't have to follow my rules once they turn 18 but as long as they do live in my house they will have rules to follow. If they don't want to follow them then they need to live somewhere else. One of them chose to stay with us a bit longer and follow the rules, the other is in her own apartment.

Regardless of the situation however, you can't possibly believe that any physical attack on your wife will help out, can you? If anything, it will strain things even more. I understand getting upset--especially at kids at that age. But physically striking/slapping/etc. them or another family member won't solve anything. Please try to find a more productive way to solve the problem.

I think I get what you're saying about the new house sensation. Sometimes I sit in my living room and just marvel at how I ended up here. It's a true blessing. But you know what makes it so wonderful?

Sharing it with people I love.

I know you didn't marry your wife with the intention of ever assaulting her. Stress led you to that point. Please talk with her, agree on some ground rules for everyone (including your step daughter), and consistently stick to them.

But again, know that hitting/slapping/shaking/etc. someone will NEVER solve a problem. It will only make things worse.

You've got a family and a home. That's a great thing that lots of people never experience. Find a way to make it work for everyone.

You are very much in need of serious help if all of what you did does not in the slightest sound wrong to you. You have serious psychological issues if you can justify random acts of violence (and yes, hitting/slapping your wife is a violent act) as retaliation for something someone else did.

Your actions and your words to me demonstrate someone who is paranoid and massively insecure. Owning a house does not give you godlike status as you clearly seem to believe. Slapping your wife is still wrong, no matter where you live or who owns it. Ownership of a house merely means you own the property. It is your conduct and your ability to instill love and respect which determines 'mastery'.

And finally as Divia said.... "As for hitting your wife, I dont give a **** if it was closed fist, open hand, with a damn belt or whatever. Hitting is hitting and no man should hit a woman. THE END. "

*With the addendum that anyone hitting another person unless they're in direct fear of being hit themselves is wrong.

Yay for the org.

I am surprised that you expected sympathy. The situation with the step daughter definitely sucks, but my sympathy for you dropped to zero the second he mentioned hitting your wife.

Men shouldn't hit women, and that's all there is to it.

As for the detachment from reality and whatnot, it sounds like you're going through some sort of dementia or something and for the safety of yourself and those around you, I recommend seeking treatment.

When it comes to the girl, if you don't like what she's doing, by all means disown her and tell her to stay the hell away from your house. However, that doesn't give you an excuse for hitting your wife.

To the op: it sounds like you're pretty much in the situation my father was in. His wife's kids are mooches and lived off of his blood and sweat all the way up until just a few months ago. My step brother is 27 and has been an accountant for the last 4 years and makes about 60-70k a year and lived in the basement until last year when he moved into his wife's parents' basement. My step sister is 25 and a hooch and goes in and out all times of the night and has failed the last 6 years of college.

Despite working 80 hours a week, at least, in a steel mill and as mechanic of a construction site, he has never slapped or hit my step-mother or her kids... well, he did choke my step-brother, but that was after he and my step-sister held me down and wrote "******" on my arm when I was 12. Still, your wife having a promiscuous daughter is no reason to hit her. Punching holes in walls is never worth it. I don't understand how the daughter was living in your house when she's 20 years old and you've said that you've been the one working to pay for your new house. A very simple solution to having the daughter not disrespect you in her house is to not allow her to live in your house...

Originally Posted by LaRock

Yeah your step daughter is a legal adult now. Chances are she doesn't want to follow rules a child would. That's fine, but if that's the case she'd have to live elsewhere.

The thing is, based on what braxis has posted, the step-daughter hasn't been living in their house for quite some time now.

braxis, regardless of where your step-daughter is living, it seems to me you don't want her to be in a relationship or having intimate relations period. I say this because you're still all worked-up about what she's doing behind closed doors, even though you got what you wanted. (Her getting out of the house)